Moment of Truth

by bye2mrwrong

I just had an enlightened moment. All this time I had this feeling that I had lowered my standards. That I had lost myself in this game of love. I lost the girl who had hopes. I lost the will to have dreams. I lost my self-confidence, forgot who I was and let myself be defined by the men in my life.

But suddenly it hit me. I don’t have to search for me at all, because I never lost me. I’ve always been here. The girl who always believed and the woman who makes her own choices in life.

Yes I came to this country for a man, for love.  But given the chance I’d do it again. Not because a man asked me to, but because I want to, for me. I didn’t do it because I was weak, I did it because it’s what I wanted. I chose to move, I chose to take a chance on love, on life. I chose the road that I walked on. I chose my fate, my destiny, my life. And while I was happy with my man, I was happy with my choice. So yes, some women will make fewer compromises than I. They will follow their career. They live to work. Me, I work to live. And instead of following a career, I followed my heart. A career I can make anywhere I choose. And I chose to make it next to the one I loved.

And now that this story has come to an end; I may be less naïve and trusting than before. And I may be more cynical. I may be more sheltered. And I may be more skeptical. But I am still willing to give up everything for love, as long as in the process I don’t give up the most important thing of all: ME.

I AM…
“I AM A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, A GRAND-DAUGHTER, A NIECE, A COUSIN, A FRIEND. I AM A PARTNER, A STUDENT, A YOUNG GIRL, AND A GROWN WOMAN. I AM CONFIDENT AND SCARED, TERRIFIED AND EXCITED. I AM LOVING AND CARING AND THOUGHTFUL AND HOPEFUL. I AM SICK AND TIRED. I AM SHY AND FRIENDLY, AND CAREFUL AND CARELESS. I AM BROKEN AND WHOLE. I AM MISUNDERSTOOD, MISGUIDED, AND MISLEAD. I AM HARD WORKING AND DETERMINED BUT A LITTLE SCARED ON THE INSIDE. I WISH ON STARS AND DREAM MY DREAMS. I PRAY TO GOD AND CRY MY TEARS. I SMILE ON THE OUTSIDE, WHILE I’M DYING ON THE INSIDE. I LISTEN TO OTHERS WHO WON’T LISTEN TO ME. I WALK ON EGGSHELLS AND I WALK ON FIRE. I BELIEVE IN PASSION BUT NOT TRUE LOVE. I LOVE YOU AND I PUSH YOU AWAY. I WANT YOU BUT NOT SO CLOSE. I AM EVERYTHING AND NOTHING ALL AT ONCE AND ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO LOVE ME.

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5 Responses to “Moment of Truth”

  1. Well said and wonderfully eloquent! You are you – all those things that make you unique and so special.

  2. Beautifully written. And so true. For all of us. Thank you.

  3. The choice is the important thing. In our choices lie the definition of ourselves, not in some other person.

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