Posts tagged ‘Waiting’

August 1, 2011

You Are In Charge

by bye2mrwrong

Lesson #20: When It Comes to Going after What You Love in Life, Don’t Take NO for an Answer

Lesson #21: Burn the Candles, Use the Nice Sheets, Wear the Fancy Lingerie. Don’t Save Anything for a Special Occasion. Today is Special Enough

Lesson #25: No One Else is in Charge of Your Happiness. You are the CEO of Your Joy

In three lessons Regina Brett, the author of this amazing book, has taught me that I am the master of my own happiness. It is up to me and me alone to make ME happy. It is my responsibility to create the life I desire, to pursue my dreams, to be happy.

Often we try to alter our internal state of unhappiness by looking toward the outside world for positive triggers to make us happy. But it’s not up to anyone else to make you happy.  Not your mother, your father, your spouse, your partner, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your kids, your boss, your colleagues, your friends, your horoscope. It’s up to you and you alone.

One “NO” should not cause our dreams to shatter, our hearts to break, or our hopes to crush. We should never surrender our dreams to someone else’s no. There are many bumps in the road but they should not stop us. And they should not control our happiness. So yes I may sometimes go back into feeling stuck, or look to the future and feel fear, I may be sad and gloomy about the present. But it is my choice to either wallow in self-pity or simply stop and ask myself what will make me happy now. Happy or miserable; it takes the same amount of time.

So should I wait for something or someone to make me happy?  Or would I be wiser to make my own happiness now? I think we all know the answer to that one. Don’t wait to do something special later, in a future that may never come. Life is short. The only time that matters is NOW.

June 24, 2011

My Life in 20 Boxes

by bye2mrwrong

“Just when I  thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart”

It’s funny how life sometimes takes you by surprise. You wait for something for so long, you know its coming, you want it to. You make plans, and pace around in anticipation. Your heart palpitates as you wait yet another second, another minute, another day. But when the moment is finally there you feel surprised, taken aback somehow. It suddenly hits you, and you feel like someone just pulled the floor beneath your feet. This is how I felt today.

Today the movers came to take my things. Tears streamed down my face as I watched them swiftly loading the boxes which have taken over my living room for the past couple of days. Within an hour everything was gone. My life disappeared right before my eyes.

I’ve been working very slowly and diligently over the past two weeks; procrastinating as I thoroughly packed the last 10 years of my life in 20 boxes, making detailed lists of what was tucked away in each one. Statistically that’s two boxes per year (yes I can do some math). And all it took was an hour to take it all away.

I don’t know how to look at it. From the empty half of the glass it feels like crap. In 10 years I have only accumulated 20 boxes. That’s not much. Does it show how little I actually spent on myself? Is this the reason why I may have never truly felt at home here in this house?

 From the full half of the glass I could say “Wow, that’s 19 boxes more than what I came here with”. After all I came here with only one luggage full of clothes. And I’m leaving with 19 boxes full of life experiences, and memories which have no doubt piled up.

While I may be on my way to a fresh new start; it’s sad to leave the place you called home for so long, the people you called your friends, the ones you thought were your family, and the life you built up. It is painstakingly hard to hand in the keys and say goodbye.

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April 27, 2011

Surviving the Game

by bye2mrwrong

I read a cute girly book recently. I’ve been reading loads of those. Which hasn’t been helping my self-esteem, since like in all other romantic novels the end is always the same: the girl gets the boy, they are passionately in love, and of-course they get married and live happily-ever-after.

But before the girl gets the boy she has to find him, attract him, and make him fall desperately in love. And what are the rules of the game?

Be cool. Be detached. Be aloof. Be bulletproof. Act brutal. Stay in control. Always leave them before they leave you.

Pfff. Are those the things a girl needs to be in order to survive the dating jungle? Since when are we in control of our emotions so much so that we can stay all those things mentioned above? Detached, Bulletproof. Ha. If I like a guy and he makes me weak in the knees I definitely cannot stay detached. And if that guy doesn’t call me like he said he would I definitely cannot stay bulletproof.

When I like you and I’m with you, I feel giggly and light as if I’m floating on air. And when you lean over to kiss me, I feel my feet stumble beneath me as I melt into your arms. When your hand brushes my hair I get the butterfly feeling inside, and when you squeeze my hand ever so gently, I feel ecstatic with delight. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, and I want your lips to be the last thing I kiss before I close my eyes at night. That’s just the way I like, that’s the way I love. But when I’m waiting by the phone endlessly for your call, my stomach gets tied up in knots. And when I feel you pulling away I start to crumble as my heart gets torn apart.

“I am an Emotional Creature. I know when a storm is coming. I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air. I can tell you he won’t call back… I love that I do not take things lightly. The way I hear bad news. The way it’s unbearable when I lose. I know that one kiss can take away all my decision-making ability. Don’t tell me not to cry. To calm it down. Not to be so extreme. To be reasonable… I am an emotional creature. Why would you want to shut me down or turn me off?” Eve Ensler

January 13, 2011

Wasted Time

by bye2mrwrong

In our lives there are many moments when we wait. As kids we wait to go to big school, we wait to get a bike without training wheels; we wait for our turn on the computer, or in line for a roller coaster ride. We wait impatiently to be chosen for a team in sports class and hope we won’t get picked last, we wait for our exam results and pray to God we passed. We wait for our dinner to be ready as our stomach makes growling sounds, and most of all we wait to grow up.

As teens we wait for our life to begin, we wait for people to treat us like the adults we believe we are. We wait to get our driver’s license, we wait for a phone call from that special someone we have a crush on, and above all we wait to be at a legal drinking age so that the real fun can start.

And as adults we keep on waiting. We wait for a reaction to that resume we sent in last week, or for a work meeting to start. We wait for a friend to show up and get a bit annoyed when they are late yet again, and we wait to meet our soul mate. We wait, we hope, we dream, and we look back at what we left behind.

But is our time so invaluable, so un-precious, that we should spend it waiting? What if it’s all just wasted time? What are we really waiting for? Shouldn’t we learn from the past and look to the future, seize the day, and make things happen instead of waiting for faith, or destiny to strike?!

For the past year my life has been a waiting game. While everyone’s life around me continues; friends are getting promotions, changing jobs, getting engaged, having babies, and meeting new loves; my life has been on hold, worse, it has come to a complete stop.

I’m so sick of it, so tired of waiting. I see the lines underneath my eyes (is that tiredness or depression?), the wrinkles in my face; and the white hairs starting to show. And I hear that biological clock tick away as it realizes that it is now further than ever from what just yesterday seemed so close by. I’m tired of fighting with my own demons, tired of crying, tired of feeling sorry for myself. I’m tired of being angry at everyone around me and tired of worrying that it’s all been wasted time.

And that’s exactly what I feel; it’s what I’m afraid of. My life wasted away even more as I wait for something no longer under my control. Waiting for the divorce to go through, for signatures to be signed, and inventory to be appraised. Waiting for a reaction from my lawyer, or a reaction from his. Waiting for the tears to stop falling, and the pain to go away. Waiting for karma to show its true face and for the universe to balance out. Waiting for my good deeds to be rewarded, and for his bad deeds to be punished. I am waiting until I can stop my mind from wondering what I left behind, and from worrying ’bout this wasted time.

“Well baby, there you stand, With your little head down in your hand. Oh my god, you can’t believe it’s happening again. Your baby’s gone and you’re all alone, and it looks like the end. You’re back out on the street. And you’re trying to remember. How will you start it over? You don’t know if you can. You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch, but you can’t hold your man. You never thought you’d be alone this far down the line.  And I know what’s been on your mind. You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time. The autumn leaves have got you thinking. About the first time that you fell. You didn’t love the boy too much. You just loved the boy to well. So you live from day-to-day. And you dream about tomorrow. And the hours go by like minutes, and the shadows come to stay. So you take a little something to make them go away. And I could have done so many things, baby. If I could only stop my mind. From wondering what I left behind. And from worrying ’bout this wasted time. Another love has come and gone. And the years keep rushing on. I remember what you told me before you went out on your own: ’Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone’. So you can get on with your search, baby. And I can get on with mine. And maybe someday we will find,That it wasn’t really wasted time.” The Eagles