Posts tagged ‘Fantasies’

April 24, 2011

The Hunt for Mr. Right

by bye2mrwrong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I want the fairytale!”

As children we get brainwashed with fairy-tales of a happily-ever-after, believing that the princess always gets rescued by the prince. Indulged with girly fantasies, we grow up blinded by the fairy dust into assuming that we’ll know when we’ve found the “one” just by the way we got kissed. Even Hollywood spoon feeds us with dreamy impossibilities. After all, we all should know that the chance of sitting next to someone hot on a plane rarely happens. Let alone falling in love with them. Right?

With these fictitious ideas and fantasies in our minds, girls go through life believing that we cannot be alone, we weren’t meant to be. We need to be rescued by our knight in shining armor and swept off our feet into the sunset.  With foolishly romantic notions trapped not in the back of our minds but right in the forefront, it’s no wonder that we girls become hopeless romantics who need men in our lives, to validate us. To make us feel important, pretty, and complete.  After all no Barbie is complete without her Ken.

The problem with fairytales is that they set us girls up for disappointment. In real life the prince goes off with the wrong princess. And men rarely make extravagant and overly romantic gestures to profess their undying love. Yet still we obsess about these possibilities. Hoping that we are the exception and that the Cinderella story was truly told about us.

We get lost in making excuses for the men we love or even just like. We ignore warning flags; but foolishly create illusionary signs. We see what we want to see, twisting “potential partner” to “promising spouse”. We put faith in the heaven, god and the stars. We call it destiny or fate. And with these silly hopes and beliefs we begin our search, correction our hunt to find Mr. Right.

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April 17, 2011

Forbidden Temptation

by bye2mrwrong

There’s no greater pleasure than surrendering to temptation.

You had been out of my mind for years, buried deep in my past. You had been forgotten, and the tears I shed for you had already long dried. Then unexpectedly as if from another universe you reappeared and waltzed yourself back into my life.

Little effort did you need to intrigue me once more, re-capture my attention, and melt me in the palm of your hand. Pretentious and eloquent you seduced me with your mischievous and sexy words, whispering sweet nothings into my ears as you began to play a little game with my heart.

Thoughts of you began wafting through my mind endlessly, and my infatuation with you grew as the days passed by. I yearned for you with such fervent desire. I hungered for us to be together in the most carnal way imaginable. You had become an addiction for which I wanted an overdose. Irresistible to me, I could no longer wait for your touch. And so I took a risk and let down my guard. I rushed into your arms, and in return you enveloped me with the warmth and affection that I craved so much.

In a race against time, I entrusted you with my most intimate self, lest the dream would shatter, and the intoxicating illusion we were in would turn to dust. Completely caught up in this spell you cast me under, I was sucked into a beautiful fairytale, and I succumbed to my most sensual desires.

With my heart wildly racing, and my body tingling with excitement, I let go of reality and gave into the fantasy. The intensity of the moment, so hot, so passionate, overwhelmed me. I could not remember the last time I had wanted something so much. And in the heat of the moment, I could not stop. With words unspoken you made me feel sexy, and desirable. Your lips were sweet and delicious. I craved for your kisses to last an eternity, for I just couldn’t seem to get enough. Wrapping my legs around your waist I drew you to me. Arms wrapped up in one another, fingers laced, hands gripping flesh, teeth biting shoulders. Straining my neck to kiss you as your grip tightened and you pushed your body against mine. I could feel your heart beating quickly, your breath warm on mine. Lost in the sensational moment which seemed to last forever, I was yours, and in that moment you were mine.

Two weeks of blissful indulgence before I landed back in reality. You were no longer there. The thrill for you now gone, forced me in to playing the waiting game. Leaving me restless with unanswered questions: will you call, will you write? Will you still love me tomorrow?

Days have gone by, your silence crushing me, left my soul tortured. Feeling tiny and invisible, emptiness consumed me. You have stripped off not only my clothes, but also the walls protecting my heart. Bleeding, my veins have been cut open for you; my beautifully-broken heart naked, exposed and fragile. And as your memory fades away, I wonder if the pleasure outweighs the pain? If for you it was just lust? And if we’ll ever meet again?

April 1, 2011

Fairytales

by bye2mrwrong

“Writers are desperate people and when they stop being desperate they stop being writers.” Charles Bukowski

For a brief moment I stopped writing. I was away on a holiday, a vacation, a fairytale. I was in love. Swept away by a prince to a far away land. Hoping that maybe this was the last frog this princess will have to kiss.

But coming back to reality, to this life, I feel out of balance as if I am about to fall and I know the crash will be hard. Everything I built, every ounce of strength I gained, every hope and dream I had has crashed down on me; and I feel myself falling back into the old patterns of depression and desperation which took control of me only a few months ago.

This house, these walls, this bed will not let me rest in peace. As soon as the darkness falls with it so does my mood and I find myself succumbing to my fears, crumbling to tears, fading away in the shadows. I sleep and wish to never be awoken. It is a safe world in my dreams. It is only there that I can escape from the harshness of reality. But before I close my eyes and let all thoughts vanish, the darkness creeps in. And from the darkness the devil comes out to tease and taunt me. To play with my feelings and stress my loneliness. The darkness shows me who I really am, the same weak and pathetic little girl I have been fighting so hard to ignore as I stare at her every day in the mirror.

I am left in the dark of night to ponder about my life that was, and of the life I wish to be in. I am left in the silence defenseless and alone to talk only to the voices in my head. The ones that criticize me for my failures. The ones that tell me that I am worthless until someone realizes the gem I am. I am left with my desperate thoughts and my gloomy memories. I am left with uncertainty and pain. I am left alone.

Yet still from within despair, I am not yet completely discouraged, for I have precious illusions in my head. And the hope that somewhere out there is a frog waiting to be kissed, waiting to turn into my knight in shining armor so he can come and rescue me.

February 27, 2011

Wishful Thinking

by bye2mrwrong

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

The human brain is a wonderful organ. It’s verbal, logical analytical, intuitive, creative and emotional. But sometimes an overactive mind can start playing tricks on us. We find ourselves caught in the shoulda, woulda, coulda thoughts about a past we no longer have control of, reliving moments and events we should have long ago left behind. At other times we find ourselves caught in the realm of “what if”, daydreaming, imagining and fantasizing of an alternative future we could have only hoped for.

I’ve been pondering over the “what if” question for some time now. My husband’s affair as well as our separation has taught me so much and I have grown from it. But it makes me wonder: if I’ve grown, learned and matured from this experience then he must have too, right?! So what if now a wiser man and wiser women would meet again? Could they be happy together? Would they now withstand the tests laid down before them? What if we stayed? What if we tried?

There is something strangely passive and even abusive about the “what if” question. All of these ‘what ifs’ usually amount to nothing. Yet the thoughts come uninvited and always seem to hold such force on us; haunting us, spinning in our minds, weighing on our hearts.

One of the saddest things in a break-up is the imaginary future that you’ll never have with the person who you have now left behind. This inability to accept incompatibility or just the fact that we had grown apart as individuals is emotionally draining. But I know now that it is not him that I miss or love but the concept, the picture I had in my mind. So I realize that while some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes being strong means letting go.