No Escaping You

by bye2mrwrong

I only thought about you once today. I never stopped.

Lying on my back I slowly wake up as the sun’s rays hit my face, shining brightly through the window. Suddenly I realize what day it is. I turn away from the sun light, shut my eyes tightly and try to forget. Maybe I can sleep the day away, let it skip me.

But it’s too late. Thoughts of you drift into my head and I try hard to remember the exact feeling I had last year as I woke up next to you. What did we do on this day? What were we feeling?

Conversations we had run through my mind. I see your face above me, smiling sweetly. For a moment I fall asleep again. In my dreams I feel your warmth and love. Nothing has changed, we are together. You’re lying next to me. My fingers entangled in your hair, and my leg on top of yours hugging your body close to me.

Then I wake up again and tears fill my eyes. Instead of thinking about the past, my thoughts now drift onto the future. How happy we could have been. I can still imagine us together. I can see us lying in our bed. I look around, everything is so familiar. The color of the walls, the design on our favorite bed sheets, the smell of your cologne wafting in the air, the sound of your voice, the touch of your skin.

I fall asleep again hoping not to plunge once more into the prison of my mind. I yearn to escape my thoughts. But there is no escaping you today.  Maybe by next year it won’t sting so hard, it won’t feel so real. Maybe then something in me will have changed. And your memory will be a distant one. A bitter-sweet memory that will have faded away.

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11 Comments to “No Escaping You”

  1. tears. that’s all I got. tears.

  2. Beautifully written. I know the feeling so well.

    Hugs
    xx

  3. Glad to have discovered you through T. I love your writing. Thank you for capturing this particular kind of pain so beautifully. This post helped me feel like I’m not alone in my grief like nothing has.

    • Hi Julie,
      Thanks for dropping by. Or should I thank T?!
      I’m happy to know that none of us are alone in this. I’m less happy to realize that in order to find each other we all needed to go through somwe kind of pain.

      Hugs X

      • T is everywhere, so I’m sure he’s already in on it. He’s like my discover-special-cool-new-blogs agent. Yeah, it’s weird that often the best way to connect is to share our pain. Strange. Maybe because that’s where we hide our vulnerability and softness. You know, like when we cry.

  4. wow… so powerful and poetic!

  5. Its heartbreaking but it builds so much character. Don’t let this pain freeze your beautiful warm heart!

  6. Your writing is exquisite and I completely relate. It does get better with time.

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