Posts tagged ‘Step-Mother’

February 7, 2011

Chronicles of the Monsters In-Law: Father Figure

by bye2mrwrong

Now I love this man, I truly do. He used to give me these big bear hugs that I knew meant that he loved me right back. And when I looked at him, I could see an older version of my husband. One that was a bit more knowledgeable, and wise, a bit more calm and relaxed, a bit less aggressive. But the jokes were the same, and the way he teased his wife reminded me of the way my husband would sometimes tease me. It was loving, adorable and cute.

But with all his greatness, the dad was never really a good father. Due to the divorce he left the house when my husband was 8 and his brother 5 years old. He had never really made an effort, never called, or sent a birthday card, never kept in touch or took his kids out on an outing, never bonded with them and never played the role-model figure he should have been.

For a man who lived only 5 minutes away from his children, I couldn’t help but wonder what made him so distant, detached and aloof? Was it just his nature? Or maybe the divorce (and the horrible truth behind it) had left him so broken and fragile that he decided to distance himself from anything and everything which reminded him of his wife (including his own kids).

But once I found out the true reason for their divorce, mommy dearest’s affair, I was mad and I blame him for the burden he put on my husband. For preferring to let my husband believe for 35 years that HE had been the reason for the divorce of his parents. That he had been a heavy load on their relationship, a difficult child who came unexpectedly and put strain on their young love. Unexpected? She stopped taking the pill (because it was good to stop once in a while). How unexpected is that? Difficult? Isn’t every child difficult? Yes its difficult waking up at 4am to feed your crying baby. But it didn’t stop them from having a second one. And yes when you chose to have a child you chose to run around, teach them how to swim, or how to bike, pick them up when they fall down.

As for his second wife, she too is a good woman, kind and caring. But she too in my eyes should assume the responsibility of the lack of bond between the dad and his two sons. While she made sure that he would be close to her family, she did not nudge him to be close to his. After all why would she want him to have a bond to children not her own, while she blindly accepted a child-free life with this man.

All in all, although the father is a good man because he never played a dominant role in my husband’s life, unfortunately he did not contribute to my husbands development. He did not show him how to become a good man, a good husband, or a good father.