Posts tagged ‘Self-Esteem’

November 25, 2011

Because I’m Worth It!

by bye2mrwrong

“Everyone goes their own path. Some are just beginning while others end all too soon.  The path you’re on, the choices you make, they define who you are.

Choices, they are the building blocks of our lives. They shape our past, present and future.

Every new day brings with it new choices and a whole new world of possibilities.

Recently I was told that it’s time to start anew, to walk a new path, to build a new life. To reflect on everything that happened and figure out what I’ve learned. To apologize to the people I’ve wronged for hurting them, and then to apologize to myself for hurting me. For letting myself down, for belittling myself, for believing I didn’t have any worth.

Most importantly I was told it was time to decide what changes I would like to make in myself, and then make them. But as much as the idea sounds simple at the same time it is so hard to grasp. What are the changes that I want to make? The question still overwhelms me and the only thing I can think of is how much I just want to be happy. That’s the change I want to make.

But how do I do that when I’m not even sure what has prevented me from being happy? No one is really standing in my way. No one but myself. Only my own thoughts and fears have kept me from moving forward. My own choices have prevented me from letting go of the past and the pain that comes with it. It has been my stubbornness that has kept me holding on so tightly to something that no longer exists. To a memory, of a past that once was; to that illusion of the future that never will be. To a ring that keeps me bonded to him.

So after thinking hard about this, staring at my reflection, and digging layer after layer, I’ve realized that what I want to change is the way I view myself. My worth, my value, me. I realized that when I get flattered by someone for something I’ve done, or sometimes even for just who I am, I usually say “thanks but….” Or l humbly laugh the remark away. But it’s not the humbleness that has pushed flattery aside, it’s the lack of self worth, lack of confidence in me. I never see myself as gorgeous, just pretty. I never think of myself as genius, just smart. I never believe I have unique qualities, just regular ones like any other person. I never think I’ll exceed, just succeed. I never think I’m remarkable, just average. I never think I’m better, just good. So I’ve decided what I want is respect. For myself, and from myself.

Respect that I am a terrific wife, a wonderful lover, a fantastic cook, a loving person, a caring colleague, a true friend. Respect that I am a great girl, who deserves only the best from the best. Respect that I should never lower my standards, or give in to other people’s wants if I do not value them. Respect me for me.

Because I’m worth it!

November 11, 2011

I Want a Perfect Body

by bye2mrwrong

Just like love, real women come in different shapes and sizes. Yet we all dream of it: Eating Without Gaining Weight, staying thin while indulging in the best foods our minds can conjure. The yummiest, the juiciest, the choclatiest, the sweetest…

We all want to have that perfect body, to eat that tasty treat without worrying about the high calorie overload or the high carb overdose. We want to know that we won’t stand tomorrow on the scale and watch it break, we want to look down at our naked selves and not see any lumps or bumps, love handles or any other unwanted extras. After all isn’t that what were taught? Skinny is beautiful.

And there she is. We all know and envy her. The one girl who has achieved it. The girl who has it all. She’s perfectly skinny, with a small waist and a flat tummy, long legs, perky breasts, and a nice ass. She’s got a super-hot body and apparently a super-fast metabolism system to match because she can eat whatever she likes without gaining a single gram; while we have to watch every single bite we put in our mouth. We eat little and watch ourselves gain weight, and we just can’t seem to figure out why. So we deny ourselves those foods which we crave the most because we know it’s not worth it. “One minute on the lips, a life time on the hips.” That homemade pie or piece of chocolate, those greasy twister fries, that deliciously home-baked bread, the last slice of pizza, the fat juicy steak, or that perfectly shaped hamburger with melted cheese on top… But to indulge in such forbidden treats we already know we’ll need to punish ourselves tomorrow, and the day after that, and maybe even one more day just to balance things out.

But her, I’ve watched her order two big Macs at McDonalds and then ask to supersize her meal. I gagged as I watched her down both hamburgers one after the other. She’s no girlie girl when it comes to food. She doesn’t pick at it and definitely is not one to order a salad when a guy is around. No she’ll have what he’s having and pick some off his plate too. Where the hell does it all go? Where does it fit?  Yet she does it  without skipping a beat…and 2 hours later she tells me she’s hungry again.

So finally I asked her the secret, is it just good DNA or excessive secret workouts? And then she told me the truth, her “perfect” solution to the weight problem. After liposuction, and a boob-job, she wanted to slim down even more for the men in her life.  She wanted to look and feel perfect naked, just like a girl should be. Just like men want us to be, and society expects us to be. So she does what any normal girl would. Any girl who can’t figure out how to keep the weight off while enjoying life and its delicious treats. She binges…and then throws it all up.

Good healthy diet, no way. Fast metabolism, yeah right! The real simple solution to life’s eternal problem: Bulimia!

This post is dedicated to all the girls whose self-esteem has been crushed. To all the girls that think they won’t be loved if they don’t have a perfect body. To all the girls who have given in to the pressures of today’s society. This post is dedicated to all the girls who sometimes feel they are not sexy enough, or pretty enough or anything enough. When you don’t know your self woth….remember you are PRICELESS!

May 29, 2011

Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem

by bye2mrwrong

Another blogger just wrote a post wondering why women stay with cheaters. I understand the question and in the past I would have asked the same. But by now I also understand the answer. I am not one of those women. I left. But the choice was not as simple as ABC. It wasn’t easy to leave, and it sure as hell wasn’t my first choice, or my second for that matter.

 There are a few simple and quite obvious answers to the question of staying such as the number of years you’ve been together with someone, the history you shared, the life you built. After 10, 20 or 30 years it’s not easy to just up and leave because of one “little” mistake. There’s also the other blatant reason for staying: the kids. When you’ve got one, two or even more kids together, wrong or right, sometimes people chose to stay for the kids’ sake.

But what if you haven’t been with someone for that long and you don’t have kids together? Why stay then with a cheater who causes only pain? The answer then is harder to explain because it’s one that no one really notices. It’s hidden beneath the surface, only obvious to the experienced eye: Self-esteem! Low self-esteem and even worse relationship contingent self-esteem ensures that we stay because we undervalue ourselves; we think we can’t get anything better, or maybe we don’t deserve anything better. We evaluate our self-worth solely based on the outcomes of our romantic interactions.

 I can’t pin down why some people have a low self-esteem or for how long. But I do know that emotionally abusive relationships only worsen the problem. Those relationships slowly, secretly but surely stomp on our (maybe already low) self-esteem; causing us to devalue our worth, and diminished our confidence.

Even when you’re in a disastrous relationship, the one that everyone can see is spiraling out of control like a train wreck waiting to happen, it’s harder to get out than what others may think. After committing to and investing time and energy into something, anything; your gut reaction is not to throw it away. Ending a relationship is kind of like admitting failure. It’s another thing you attempted to do that didn’t work out. That’s another blow to the self-esteem. And so in an attempt to protect your dignity, (and investment) you grip on to it as tight as you can and you “throw away good money after bad money“.