Posts tagged ‘Father figure’

May 18, 2011

The Love of a Father

by bye2mrwrong

I’ve been pondering lately about why it is that some girls like me have this vision of prince charming on his magnificent white horse? Why are we always on this hunt for Mr. Right? What has led us to believe that we will bump into this perfect stranger and that this stranger might be the “one”? The one, who fits us flawlessly, thinks we’re perfectly wonderful, sexy and smart. He laughs at our jokes, is interested in what we have to say, and completes us in every way. And best of all he wants to be with us till death do us part.

And then it hit me. My whole life I’ve grown around that man. That wonderful person who has been a constant in my life. The first love of my life, my father.  This is a man who has always made me feel good about myself. Told me how beautiful and bright I was, listened to everything I had to say, gave me security when I needed it but also pushed me forward to reach the horizon.

A man who ran behind my bike for the 100th time to prevent me from falling and bruising my knees because this girl had (and still has) no sense of balance.

A man who sang me songs before bedtime with his beautiful voice; songs which till this very day when I hear them make me tear up. And as I grew up  he read me bedtime stories and books. We read the hobbit together when I was only five. Chapter by chapter we would solve the riddles making our way to the end of the adventurous tale.

A man who had pneumonia for a week after jumping into the chilly waters of Lake Michigan in the breezy April air to get my $1 Frisbee which had fallen in, and I couldn’t bear to live without.

A man who broke his arm, as he let go of his daughter’s hand to twirl around on the ice skating rink, trying to impress me. Mission accomplished dad I’m impressed!

A man who sadly accepted his little girl would never be the math whiz he was, but would still sit with me till the early hours of dawn, tears in his eyes and frustration plastered all over his face, helping me study for a mathematics exam, as we sat side by side solving the problems away.

The more I think about it, the more clear it seems to me, that the reason I still believe in love, in relationships and in men; the reason I still believe that one day I’ll find a man who is so wonderful, so caring, so loving, and so worth it…is because I know they exist. I’ve been lucky enough to meet that man and grow up at his side. Or maybe I should say my mother was lucky (and smart) enough to meet him, fall in love with him and marry him.

Happy Birthday Dad! Here’s to many more years spent together.

February 7, 2011

Chronicles of the Monsters In-Law: Father Figure

by bye2mrwrong

Now I love this man, I truly do. He used to give me these big bear hugs that I knew meant that he loved me right back. And when I looked at him, I could see an older version of my husband. One that was a bit more knowledgeable, and wise, a bit more calm and relaxed, a bit less aggressive. But the jokes were the same, and the way he teased his wife reminded me of the way my husband would sometimes tease me. It was loving, adorable and cute.

But with all his greatness, the dad was never really a good father. Due to the divorce he left the house when my husband was 8 and his brother 5 years old. He had never really made an effort, never called, or sent a birthday card, never kept in touch or took his kids out on an outing, never bonded with them and never played the role-model figure he should have been.

For a man who lived only 5 minutes away from his children, I couldn’t help but wonder what made him so distant, detached and aloof? Was it just his nature? Or maybe the divorce (and the horrible truth behind it) had left him so broken and fragile that he decided to distance himself from anything and everything which reminded him of his wife (including his own kids).

But once I found out the true reason for their divorce, mommy dearest’s affair, I was mad and I blame him for the burden he put on my husband. For preferring to let my husband believe for 35 years that HE had been the reason for the divorce of his parents. That he had been a heavy load on their relationship, a difficult child who came unexpectedly and put strain on their young love. Unexpected? She stopped taking the pill (because it was good to stop once in a while). How unexpected is that? Difficult? Isn’t every child difficult? Yes its difficult waking up at 4am to feed your crying baby. But it didn’t stop them from having a second one. And yes when you chose to have a child you chose to run around, teach them how to swim, or how to bike, pick them up when they fall down.

As for his second wife, she too is a good woman, kind and caring. But she too in my eyes should assume the responsibility of the lack of bond between the dad and his two sons. While she made sure that he would be close to her family, she did not nudge him to be close to his. After all why would she want him to have a bond to children not her own, while she blindly accepted a child-free life with this man.

All in all, although the father is a good man because he never played a dominant role in my husband’s life, unfortunately he did not contribute to my husbands development. He did not show him how to become a good man, a good husband, or a good father.