Posts tagged ‘Blind Love’

June 4, 2011

Painfully Committed

by bye2mrwrong

I’ll never be able to pinpoint the exact moment when my relationship with my husband started to become unhealthy. It could have been as early as the moment I met him. It could have been the first time he criticized my weight. Or when he started controlling how I did things in the house. It could have been the first time my tears had no effect on him. Or the very first time he said “get the F@%k out.” Really, at this point it all becomes a big blur. But having been committed to the relationship I accepted it all. I saw only the good, turned a blind eye to the little annoyances, I easily forgave, and I willingly compromised. I was accommodating to a fault. That is until he crossed my red line.

We all have a red line, the moment when blind love is no longer blind. When we open our eyes and say enough is enough. For some it doesn’t take far to get to that border. Others can endure a lot of crap before we give up; before we realize that we’ve past the point of no return; and that there is no other way out. No more fixing, repairing or mending.

It’s hard to say who’s stronger: the ones who stay and stick it out through the thick and thin? Or the ones who leave in the blink of an eye? Commitment after all (no matter the cause) is a good trait which should be valued. But one should never stay committed to a sunk cost when the decision to stay no longer outweighs the expected benefit.

I still wonder sometimes whether given half the chance I would go back to it all, go back to him. If I did I know that it would be just because I’m lonely. Because I need to feel loved. Because it’s easier to go back then to move forward and start from the beginning. And because I have given up hope that somewhere out there, there is a lid to my pot.

But those reasons are not good reasons to go back to something that was sightless and painful. I believe that even if I wanted to go back it would never be the same. Because in this past year I’ve grown and I’ve changed. I’ve learned about my true values. About what it is I want in a relationship and more importantly what I don’t want. I’ve learned what I’m willing to compromise on and where my red lines lie. I’ve learned that I don’t want my needs met only some of the time. I want them met all the time. And I don’t want to stick to the old just because I don’t have something new.

“ I understand with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?”

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May 22, 2011

Blind Love

by bye2mrwrong

“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.”

Now that my double vision is finally clear, I have come to appreciate that although unintentionally, I like so many others have been a charlatan, and knowing this now means that I realize the hypocrisy of my own words. Just a few months ago it was me who didn’t want to be woken up, me who was living in a dream world. Me who was ignoring the blinding red flags and keeping my eyes wide shut. When it comes to love we’re all just hypocrites. We don’t get to pick who we fall in love with. And most of us see what we want to see when we love someone and sometimes we get taken for a real ride.

As outsiders it’s easy. We see the truth as it is. We are objective and are vision is nowhere near blurry. So we go around telling people what to do and what not to, what to feel and how to love. We all become “accredited” psychologists capable of giving love prescriptions and advice. We analyze the situation, and we hastily give our recommendations out.

And if were not psychologists we’re psychics with a clairvoyance of the future, capable of foreseeing the disasters ahead, and instantly ready to give our word of advice, call attention to the red flags and highlight the “should be obvious” warning signs.

We know the difference between wrong and right. We can see when someone is just no good, and so we rush to expose the truth and tell our friends to move on. Everyone is a big shot when it comes to giving others counsel, or telling others what to do. We are know-it-alls. Quick to judge and criticize, predict and warn. And sometimes when we’re not cautious we accidentally spit out the not necessary “I told you so” card.

But when it happens to you, when you’re the one that’s foolishly in love… it’s different. When it comes to our own lives we’re not only blind to the truth (those signs and signals staring us in the face), but we’re also deaf to the lies. Not only do we not listen to others but we don’t even take our own advice (the one we would have been so quick to give other). Suddenly we do irrational, silly, and uncharacteristic things “in the name of love”. We make excuses, we ignore the negative signs. We only listen to our heart, because if you “win the heart the mind will follow, and the intellect can always find logic to justify what the heart has already decided.” We’re ready to make our own mistakes. We’ll ditch friends, we’ll steal, we’ll fight, we’ll fake and betray ourselves. Some of us cheat. Others turn a blind eye.

“But love is blind and lovers cannot see
the pretty follies that themselves commit.”

Shakespeare

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January 29, 2011

The Logical Mind vs. the Emotional Heart

by bye2mrwrong

They say that: “The head forgets but the heart remembers”. Surely I’ve forgotten many of the events that have happened that led me to here, many of the angry words that flew across the room, the countless tears that were shed, the lies that were told, and the promises that were broken. I do not remember it all. And maybe I don’t want to.

But my heart remembers the pain, and the anguish. My heart has not yet let it go; it has not yet healed from its wounds. My heart is still broken into pieces, shattered, and waiting to be picked up, embraced, and tended to.  It cannot forget the words that pierced right through me. It remembers the sting it felt when I found out of the affair, and it remembers the twist of the knife as more and more lies surfaced.

“Let it go!” is the sentence I’ve been hearing most for the past year. Not because I cannot let go of the pain that is still in my heart, but because I cannot let go of the love. It seems that the heart is the one organ which has so much love, that it is willing to forgive and forget. It is blind, and irrational; emotional with no logic. It feeds off illusions, and sweet dreams. No matter how excruciating the pain, and how deep the cut, the heart still loves.

If “we are persuaded by reason, but moved by emotion” then how do I stop loving? How do I move on after 10 years?

The truth is that my mind has already moved on. It has made the decision to leave. It has looked over the list of pros and cons, weighed each point and made a completely biased, logical and rational decision. It has determined that the best option is to move on.

But my heart has not yet joined for the ride. It has not yet realized what it wants. It has not yet been able to let go of the love it once felt. It has become my weakness, my so-called Achilles heel. It feels a longing for a long-lost memory that is engraved on it, and nostalgia for the “perfect” past it has created in its imagination.