Archive for ‘Mr. Right’

June 15, 2011

Analyze My Blues

by bye2mrwrong

I’ve been thinking lately about my choices in MEN. I don’t really have a lot of experience, after all I have been off the market for 10 years. But from my recent dating expeditions and maybe looking back to the guys I chose when I was 20…it seems that I definitely have a type.

Without a doubt it is obvious to see that externally my men are fair-skinned and blond. Not that I haven’t dated a few dark-haired guys, but usually when I look around my head spins at the site of a blond. I love somewhat long hair on guys, baby face, full luscious lips that just make you wonder how kissable they are, and blue eyes that can make you melt. If it seems like I am describing Brad Pitt that might not be too far from the truth. Admittedly he is my type.

If I could choose a sign, I would no doubt be drawn to the Scorpio men’s intensity, loyalty, obsessive nature, sexually insatiability and passion.

But what I’ve been more fixated on lately is the characteristics of the men I choose: sarcastic, and ridiculously smart, funny, flirtatious, charming, good drinkers, and outgoing. Some were passionate others less. But all were callow and emotionally detached.

So why am I choosing the men that I choose? Why am I flabbergasted when at the end I feel hurt, and lost; crushed when my expectations weren’t met? And how do I know that next time I won’t repeat the pattern?

Those questions make me wonder if our past hinders us or helps us move forward. I mean, if I know what type of men I have been choosing and I know that those men are no good for me, do I now go for the opposite even if I’m not attracted to that, only to avoid repeating the same mistakes and the same men?

May 18, 2011

The Love of a Father

by bye2mrwrong

I’ve been pondering lately about why it is that some girls like me have this vision of prince charming on his magnificent white horse? Why are we always on this hunt for Mr. Right? What has led us to believe that we will bump into this perfect stranger and that this stranger might be the “one”? The one, who fits us flawlessly, thinks we’re perfectly wonderful, sexy and smart. He laughs at our jokes, is interested in what we have to say, and completes us in every way. And best of all he wants to be with us till death do us part.

And then it hit me. My whole life I’ve grown around that man. That wonderful person who has been a constant in my life. The first love of my life, my father.  This is a man who has always made me feel good about myself. Told me how beautiful and bright I was, listened to everything I had to say, gave me security when I needed it but also pushed me forward to reach the horizon.

A man who ran behind my bike for the 100th time to prevent me from falling and bruising my knees because this girl had (and still has) no sense of balance.

A man who sang me songs before bedtime with his beautiful voice; songs which till this very day when I hear them make me tear up. And as I grew up  he read me bedtime stories and books. We read the hobbit together when I was only five. Chapter by chapter we would solve the riddles making our way to the end of the adventurous tale.

A man who had pneumonia for a week after jumping into the chilly waters of Lake Michigan in the breezy April air to get my $1 Frisbee which had fallen in, and I couldn’t bear to live without.

A man who broke his arm, as he let go of his daughter’s hand to twirl around on the ice skating rink, trying to impress me. Mission accomplished dad I’m impressed!

A man who sadly accepted his little girl would never be the math whiz he was, but would still sit with me till the early hours of dawn, tears in his eyes and frustration plastered all over his face, helping me study for a mathematics exam, as we sat side by side solving the problems away.

The more I think about it, the more clear it seems to me, that the reason I still believe in love, in relationships and in men; the reason I still believe that one day I’ll find a man who is so wonderful, so caring, so loving, and so worth it…is because I know they exist. I’ve been lucky enough to meet that man and grow up at his side. Or maybe I should say my mother was lucky (and smart) enough to meet him, fall in love with him and marry him.

Happy Birthday Dad! Here’s to many more years spent together.

May 15, 2011

Different Versions of Me

by bye2mrwrong

I read recently that every person has different versions of themselves. A woman for instance can have “the soft feminine version of her, the protective masculine side, the naughty sexy her, the adventurous her, or the fun-loving side”.

 It got me thinking… could it be that different people get to see different versions of me? My friends have all said that when they’ve looked they see me as a confident, intelligent woman. Sarcastic, but sweet. Not shy or reserved.  Talkative and flirtatious; courageous, sexy, a little wild, spontaneous and fun.

But it seems that when in proximity of an object of my infatuation I seem to lose my sense of self. I change for the men I like. I become weak, and let them control me. I organize my life around them.  And thus a new me is defined. Just as I mold myself to fit perfectly into their strong muscular arms, I change just a little to impress them and make sure that they stay for at least a little while. I make myself someone they could love, hiding my imperfections and  concealing my emotional side, trying to fit perfectly into their lives. So it’s no wonder I get the dates, I lure them in with my witty remarks, poise, and charm. But by the time the third date comes around I become someone who tries to please. I am a different version than the woman they encountered the first time.

If each version of me leads to a different outcome, a different future, a different love; I need to figure out which version of me will lead me to Mr. Right, rather than Mr. Right now.

April 28, 2011

Things I Love About You

by bye2mrwrong
I love the way you TASTE
I love the way you SMELL
I love the way you SPEAK
I love the way you WRITE
I love the way you LAUGH
I love the way you DANCE
I love the way you KISS
I love the way you TOUCH
I love the way you FEEL
I love the way you HUG
I love the way you LOVE

April 24, 2011

The Hunt for Mr. Right

by bye2mrwrong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I want the fairytale!”

As children we get brainwashed with fairy-tales of a happily-ever-after, believing that the princess always gets rescued by the prince. Indulged with girly fantasies, we grow up blinded by the fairy dust into assuming that we’ll know when we’ve found the “one” just by the way we got kissed. Even Hollywood spoon feeds us with dreamy impossibilities. After all, we all should know that the chance of sitting next to someone hot on a plane rarely happens. Let alone falling in love with them. Right?

With these fictitious ideas and fantasies in our minds, girls go through life believing that we cannot be alone, we weren’t meant to be. We need to be rescued by our knight in shining armor and swept off our feet into the sunset.  With foolishly romantic notions trapped not in the back of our minds but right in the forefront, it’s no wonder that we girls become hopeless romantics who need men in our lives, to validate us. To make us feel important, pretty, and complete.  After all no Barbie is complete without her Ken.

The problem with fairytales is that they set us girls up for disappointment. In real life the prince goes off with the wrong princess. And men rarely make extravagant and overly romantic gestures to profess their undying love. Yet still we obsess about these possibilities. Hoping that we are the exception and that the Cinderella story was truly told about us.

We get lost in making excuses for the men we love or even just like. We ignore warning flags; but foolishly create illusionary signs. We see what we want to see, twisting “potential partner” to “promising spouse”. We put faith in the heaven, god and the stars. We call it destiny or fate. And with these silly hopes and beliefs we begin our search, correction our hunt to find Mr. Right.

April 20, 2011

Warning Signs

by bye2mrwrong

“Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed

No I won’t try to change you; shape you, mold you, or turn you into something you’re not; or worse something you don’t want to be. You’re not a project I’m working on.

 I’ve learned my lesson. People are inherently different. Some of us are family people; wired to be part of a “we”, an inseparable duo. Comfortable in relationships, adept in the art of communication, listening, giving attention and affection. Content in coming home to someone, and sharing every detail of our petty little lives. While some of us are not so much.

I am the relationship type. I’m the kind of gal that doesn’t need much “me” time. I take it when you need yours. Sure I don’t mind if you go out with your mates for a beer, or if you want to watch basketball, or soccer on TV some nights. But when you’re with me, I want attention, and lots of it. I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” I want you to hold me, touch me, dine me, romance me, confide in me, cuddle me, and love me till break-up do us part.

Maybe you call that smothering, needy clingy or weak. Maybe you even call me an attention whore. I just call that love. I’m looking for the kind of person who wants to share his life with me, who can’t be without me. Whose eyes light up when he sees me, whose voice trembles as he whispers my name, who breathes me in like air, and misses me when I’m not around.

I learned from my previous relationship that the one who loves the least is the one who controls the relationship”. I’m not ready to give that control to anyone right now. So if you’re being vague and giving me mixed signals; if you’ve got “potential” but the red flags are all over the place; its time for me to drop the hook back in the water. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I don’t want to give more love than I’m getting. So if you love me less than I love you it’s a sign. It’s a sign that you’re not ready, or maybe not looking for the same things in life.

And with that, its time for me to move on. NEXT!

April 17, 2011

Forbidden Temptation

by bye2mrwrong

There’s no greater pleasure than surrendering to temptation.

You had been out of my mind for years, buried deep in my past. You had been forgotten, and the tears I shed for you had already long dried. Then unexpectedly as if from another universe you reappeared and waltzed yourself back into my life.

Little effort did you need to intrigue me once more, re-capture my attention, and melt me in the palm of your hand. Pretentious and eloquent you seduced me with your mischievous and sexy words, whispering sweet nothings into my ears as you began to play a little game with my heart.

Thoughts of you began wafting through my mind endlessly, and my infatuation with you grew as the days passed by. I yearned for you with such fervent desire. I hungered for us to be together in the most carnal way imaginable. You had become an addiction for which I wanted an overdose. Irresistible to me, I could no longer wait for your touch. And so I took a risk and let down my guard. I rushed into your arms, and in return you enveloped me with the warmth and affection that I craved so much.

In a race against time, I entrusted you with my most intimate self, lest the dream would shatter, and the intoxicating illusion we were in would turn to dust. Completely caught up in this spell you cast me under, I was sucked into a beautiful fairytale, and I succumbed to my most sensual desires.

With my heart wildly racing, and my body tingling with excitement, I let go of reality and gave into the fantasy. The intensity of the moment, so hot, so passionate, overwhelmed me. I could not remember the last time I had wanted something so much. And in the heat of the moment, I could not stop. With words unspoken you made me feel sexy, and desirable. Your lips were sweet and delicious. I craved for your kisses to last an eternity, for I just couldn’t seem to get enough. Wrapping my legs around your waist I drew you to me. Arms wrapped up in one another, fingers laced, hands gripping flesh, teeth biting shoulders. Straining my neck to kiss you as your grip tightened and you pushed your body against mine. I could feel your heart beating quickly, your breath warm on mine. Lost in the sensational moment which seemed to last forever, I was yours, and in that moment you were mine.

Two weeks of blissful indulgence before I landed back in reality. You were no longer there. The thrill for you now gone, forced me in to playing the waiting game. Leaving me restless with unanswered questions: will you call, will you write? Will you still love me tomorrow?

Days have gone by, your silence crushing me, left my soul tortured. Feeling tiny and invisible, emptiness consumed me. You have stripped off not only my clothes, but also the walls protecting my heart. Bleeding, my veins have been cut open for you; my beautifully-broken heart naked, exposed and fragile. And as your memory fades away, I wonder if the pleasure outweighs the pain? If for you it was just lust? And if we’ll ever meet again?

April 1, 2011

Fairytales

by bye2mrwrong

“Writers are desperate people and when they stop being desperate they stop being writers.” Charles Bukowski

For a brief moment I stopped writing. I was away on a holiday, a vacation, a fairytale. I was in love. Swept away by a prince to a far away land. Hoping that maybe this was the last frog this princess will have to kiss.

But coming back to reality, to this life, I feel out of balance as if I am about to fall and I know the crash will be hard. Everything I built, every ounce of strength I gained, every hope and dream I had has crashed down on me; and I feel myself falling back into the old patterns of depression and desperation which took control of me only a few months ago.

This house, these walls, this bed will not let me rest in peace. As soon as the darkness falls with it so does my mood and I find myself succumbing to my fears, crumbling to tears, fading away in the shadows. I sleep and wish to never be awoken. It is a safe world in my dreams. It is only there that I can escape from the harshness of reality. But before I close my eyes and let all thoughts vanish, the darkness creeps in. And from the darkness the devil comes out to tease and taunt me. To play with my feelings and stress my loneliness. The darkness shows me who I really am, the same weak and pathetic little girl I have been fighting so hard to ignore as I stare at her every day in the mirror.

I am left in the dark of night to ponder about my life that was, and of the life I wish to be in. I am left in the silence defenseless and alone to talk only to the voices in my head. The ones that criticize me for my failures. The ones that tell me that I am worthless until someone realizes the gem I am. I am left with my desperate thoughts and my gloomy memories. I am left with uncertainty and pain. I am left alone.

Yet still from within despair, I am not yet completely discouraged, for I have precious illusions in my head. And the hope that somewhere out there is a frog waiting to be kissed, waiting to turn into my knight in shining armor so he can come and rescue me.

December 28, 2010

All I Want For The New Year Is….

by bye2mrwrong

Every year before the New Year begins we make our New Years resolutions. Lists of outrageous declarations of what we want to accomplish in the year to come or habits we want to get rid of; lose weight, stop smoking, exercise more, drink less, pay off debt, save money,  be a better person, etc.

This year my goals are a bit different. I have no plan of action, and no strategy. Hell I’m not even sure my goals are achievable…but they are my little broken heart’s dreams and wishes to be fixed and mended, patched up and sown.

For 2011 all I want is:

1.       To be happily divorced

2.       To get over my husband without needing someone else

3.        To repair my broken heart

4.       To be with my family

5.       To find my Mr. Right