Archive for ‘Lawyers’

May 5, 2011

Forgetting You

by bye2mrwrong

Why am I still so emotional? Oh yeah, first signatures – signed! Will it ever go away all this hurt and pain? I was fine yesterday, but once night-time came I was filled with extreme sadness. I woke up this morning gloomy and depressed. He still controls my every thought. He is still prancing around in the catacombs of my mind. Why didn’t he love me? Why wasn’t I enough? And why did he choose to flight rather than fight?

 Today I saw him and I felt the need to attack. I needed to hurt. I needed to blame. I became even more cynical than I usually am. I intended to sting. And I did. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life. I know that from experience. Cause when we argue we know exactly which words will sting the sharpest, cut the deepest, scar the nastiest, and last the longest.

 It’s been a year and I still can’t let it go. And he, he still can’t take responsibility for what he’s done. He claims that it’s not the affair that caused us to split. It’s my behavior afterward. But what kind of behavior did he expect? Did he want me to just smile and be happy about it? Did he want me to say it’s OK; let’s just forget it and move on?!

 Innocently he asks: What have I ever done to you? Why do you have to be so spiteful so vindictive? Why can’t we just stay friends? I know most of the arguments we had this past year were because of me. I’m not pretending otherwise. And I’m sorry for that. I truly am. Maybe I could have been calmer. Maybe I could have tried harder. Maybe I could have been the bigger person. Maybe that would have changed the way things turned out. But what I couldn’t do was just sweep it under the rug.

He still doesn’t get it. He still doesn’t realize the scope of the damage he’s done. He doesn’t understand the pain. He has left me empty-handed to start all over again from scratch. Does he have remorse? Will he ever? Will he miss me once I’m gone?  When I ask him: Do you feel like you’ve won; he takes the words out of my mouth and my mind and replies “I haven’t won, I’ve lost. We both have. I’ve lost my best friend”.

I retort sarcastically saying: I thought she is still in the picture. But I know what he means. And I feel the same. I lost my partner, my companion,my husband and my best friend.  A friend I had for 10 years. In order to gain an equivalent friend 10 years will have to pass by. I’ll be 40 by then. To me that feels like a life time. I hope I forget him by then.

May 1, 2011

Sacrifice to Gain

by bye2mrwrong

“To gain that which is worth having,
it may be necessary to lose everything else.”

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve. You get even less than you settled for.” The old adage got me thinking. Am I getting the raw end of the deal? And what is it that I’m really settling on? What is my sacrifice?

After months and months of papers flying back and forth between 8 pairs of hands, lawyer bills stacking up, arguments, destructive words, tears, and occasionally waking up on some strange couch; my husband and I have finally decided to settle.

Let me be more precise – I decided to give in to his demands, settling for a lower price. On the one hand something in the pit of my stomach still tells me it’s not right. If there are two people who want to reach an agreement then there should be two people who negotiate and compromise. I shouldn’t have to feel like I lost. I shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. I shouldn’t settle at all. Take it to court and fight this one out till the bitter end, no matter what the result.

But divorce and everything surrounding it, is not that easy when you have two very stubborn people concerned. One who doesn’t understand still what he’s done and the other who wants him to pay for it. If we keep fighting, this will be a long war, with casualties on both sides.

So while my mind is not completely in agreement with my own decision to settle, on the other hand, I feel peaceful, relaxed, and finally at rest. The prospect of not having to deal with it anymore, of not having to fight, or argue; the prospect of just starting a totally new life suddenly seems more than appealing.

“Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash”. Ridiculous. Disgusting.  But true. And is that cash really worth putting my life on hold any longer? Is the misery this has caused me worth any $$ amount?

In the end I guess that what I’m really settling for maybe a bit less money, but  some well deserved peace of mind that comes with a sooner–than-expected fresh new start. So with gritted teeth I accept that I may have lost the battle, but in the end we both lost the war.

Time to lick my wounds, pack up and move on.

April 22, 2011

Till DEATH Do Us Part

by bye2mrwrong

Yesterday I could not sleep. No matter which way I turned, or how my body slithered; it seemed that nothing could help this brain from switching off. Thoughts ran though my mind. Thoughts of loves lost, pain, hurt, revenge, betrayal, deceit, and lies. As I envisioned myself as the victim once more, tears came pouring down. Fragile and weak I felt myself crumble, as I hit the ground. How had I become so weak? How had I allowed this to happen to me? Who was in control? Is this the hand of God playing a game with me? Testing me? How much more grief can I take? How many more mistakes will I make? Is he laughing from above?

But the thought that scared me the most was the thought I had of death. At such a moment of vulnerability I welcomed death with open arms. If this was what life had to offer me, was there reason to go on? I’d be relieved to leave the pain of this world. Finally let it all go, leave it all behind.

I could play dumb, but I know exactly why these thoughts were going through my mind. I had just come back from meeting my husband, with both his lawyer and mine. We had tried to negotiate, to settle things between us, so that maybe if we were fortunate and smart we wouldn’t have to drag this thing out any longer or go to court allowing someone else to judge our lives.

Result: Unsuccessful!

And so I came home in tears… trying to figure out what that meant for the course of my life. How much longer would I have to endure this hell?  Should I just settle and end this misery? Emotional health vs. financial stability, that’s the real question right now. Seems like there’s no right answer to the question called life and the only way out is OUT.

I had been fighting this for so long, not wanting to leave empty-handed. I wanted to leave with my head held high. Initially my revengeful self wanted for him to have to sell the house. That way both of us would have to start from nothing. I already got screwed once. Vengeance and anger motivated me to stick it out. But after nine month that flame in me had long died down.

I could ask 1000 people what to do. But each answer would be different. Let it go. Fight! In the end it’s my choice to make. And what does it matter to them? Why would they care? It’s not really their problem. Today is a Friday. I haven’t had a single phone call. No they really don’t care. Would anyone know if I was gone? Would they miss me? What if tomorrow unexpectedly I died? How long would it take till someone noticed?

In the deep dark catacombs of my mind, it’s not death I’m worried about. It’s the fact that if I died I would legally still be married to my husband. Would that mean that he would get everything that was mine? Would that mean he won? Only for that reason I’m not ready to die. Could I make you my witnesses? Would you testify that I wanted my fair share, that I wanted him to have nothing of mine?

January 20, 2011

Just a Spoonful of Sugar

by bye2mrwrong

If only all it took was: Just a spoon full of sugar to help the misery go down in the most delightful way…

I cannot believe my ears. I just came back from my lawyer and what does he tell me? That after all this time (and money), maybe I should reconcile. That the smartest thing might be to reconsider my husband’s initial proposal. The initial proposal that was something like: “Get the eff out of MY house, and I won’t tear you apart”. Yes you read right. He said MY house, not ours!

Is he insane? What happened to the fighting spirit? Maybe it’s me who has lost the fighting spirit. Maybe it’s me who cannot handle this divorce taking any longer. I feel like staying in this house, in this country, in this mess is holding me back from my life. I need to move on, to start something new, to rebuild me!

I not only need but also want to rebuild my confidence, and win back my self esteem. I want to regain my trust in people and mend my broken little heart. I want to look in the mirror and be happy with the reflection I see staring back at me. I want to learn to love again. Not just a man, but me.  But above all I want to leave it all behind. To make a fresh start. I want to be able to let it go, to (forgive?) and forget.

Things I may need:

  • 1 large desire for change
    then stir in:
  • 1 cup of courage
  • 1 cup of strength
  • 3 cups of honesty
  • 1 pinch of humor
  • Chill for couple months
  • Open new life and enjoy
    Serve with smile or tears depending on mood!

If only all it took was just a spoon full of sugar to help the misery go down, in the most delightful way…

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January 10, 2011

Let’s Kill All The Lawyers (Part II)

by bye2mrwrong

“It is better to be a mouse in a cat’s mouth than a man in a lawyer’s hands.”

That’s it, this pussy lawyer has totally pissed me off. This has just become a game of shuffling papers from left to right and then back again. What are we hiring lawyers for anyway? To take our money at a rate for $150 per hour??? No wonder everyone hates lawyers.  It seems like “they’re rescuing our estate from our enemies but keeping it for themselves”. What is it with lawyers anyway? They all dress the same, they all talk the same… and it seems that they all smoke the same cigar.

I mean I pay this guy to help me out, to give me advice, to fight for me; and all he does is hand me over some papers and ask me for my comments. I mean if I knew what to do in the first place, then I wouldn’t have hired him. Do I look like a serial divorcee that knows what the hell she’s doing? I thought he was the expert.

OK so maybe I do need him to help me “rip out my husband’s genitals through his wallet”, and to make sure that I even get the papers handed over to me in the first place, but he’s letting me do all the work. So what’s the point?

So big-loud- mouthed-brave me, I decided to write my lawyer exactly what I think of him, I was going to tell him off, to give him a piece of my mind, to do some good tongue lashing, to tell him this is my life not a game between lawyers… but at the end I found myself writing a nice polite restrained  letter instead. So much for showing him who’s the boss!

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January 5, 2011

Let’s Kill All The Lawyers!

by bye2mrwrong

The first day I stepped into my lawyer’s office, I held back my tears and tried to be strong. “This is your lawyer, not your psychologist, so cry about it later” I said to myself. So I gathered myself together, attempted to stay professional and stated my case.  After only 2 years of marriage I was heading for a divorce.

My lawyer was enthusiastic. No kids, short marriage….this was going to be child’s play. But here I am 5 months later with no results. It almost seems like I’m paying my lawyer to shuffle around papers from left to right and then back again. And it ain’t cheap!

What more is this lawyer said to me he was a fighter, a tiger. But this tiger has gone all mushy and soft on me… and I feel like the only way I’m going to get what I want is if my husband’s lawyer is a pussy cat. I guess that once again I should have known better. A tiger? Come on what is that? If you want to fight in the jungle you’ve got to be the king of the jungle. You’ve got to be the lion. Being the tiger is just being second. And in this case being second means being the loser.

But this wasn’t my first experience with lawyers. I had gone to one before, and sat with him twice. Once was for the first conversation. This is the getting to know each other conversation, deciding if you like the lawyer, deciding if you think they’re good enough to plead your case, and exploring all your rights and options. This first conversation, or should I say consultation is for free.

But what they don’t tell you is that if you decide to retain the lawyer, then not only is it not for free, but you get charged for your first consultation as well. Basically in some hidden lawyer handbook I found on the net, in that little fine print that no one ever looks at, it said that if your first consultation is general – than yes it will be for free. If not you will get charged. But what is general? I’m not coming to ask questions about the general public. I want to know if this lawyer thinks I have a chance to win or if I stand to lose. And if I want to get those answers, I need to explain MY personal situation, not a general one.

Fortunately enough for me after I got the bill, I was cocky enough to send it back disagreeing to pay for the first consultation. I guess this lawyer either didn’t feel like arguing, or is just one of those losers… cause within a week I got a new bill with a lowered charge, and a letter explaining that there must have been a “misunderstanding” and that he would be willing to let me off the hook. I think this lawyer was just trying to use what I call the “success method”. This is when you try to screw someone over, if you succeed great, if not too bad. Understandably enough after this incident, we parted ways… and I went on to search for a new lawyer with my new founded knowledge about the law world.

So people be warned: read the fine print, ask what you’re paying for, ask your lawyer if he’s the lion or just the tiger? Will he be letting you do all the work, while he’s just shuffling papers around? Or will he be giving you advice based on his years of experience?

I guess now you should understand the heading of today’s blog. For you lawyers out there, I’m sorry no offense. But seriously am I the only one that wants to kill my lawyer?