Mr. Optimist Meets His Challenge

by bye2mrwrong

I was never a pessimist. Nor was I ever distrusting. I always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. While I may at times be a bit shallow, I try my best never to judge a book by its cover. I lived my life by a simple motto: Innocent till proven guilty; never guilty till you prove yourself otherwise. I gave second chances. Hell some people were even lucky enough to get thirds.

But professedly this last year has changed me. Jaded, I am no longer as naïve as I was. I no longer see only the good in people, but immediately search for their hidden agendas. I became a bit of a cynic. Maybe I’m just playing devil’s advocate with people. Trying to challenge their beliefs in hopes that they will challenge mine. Secretly hoping that they might convert me back, and restore my innocence.

Last Friday I met Mr. Optimistic. This is the guy that walks around with a smile on his face, he even dances that way. Full of life, full of energy, full of love. He is the type that wakes up in the morning and thanks life for life. Though he’s not gay I have a feeling he walks around seeing life in shades of pink. He views the cup half full. He loves life and sees only the good in it. His motto: “Always look on the bright side of life.”

While chatting away, he remarked that I was being pessimistic. I snickered at the remark and pushed it away, ignoring it. Within a few minutes he again mentioned that I was being negative. And again I laughed it off. But once the chat was over I thought to myself how right he was. Immediately defending myself I thought, well of-course I’m pessimistic. If he’d had been through what I had, then maybe he would be just as glum. But as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I knew I was wrong. I have no idea what his life is like, what he’d been through. What deep dark secrets have affected his past, his present, his life. We all have a history, we all have baggage. But he made a conscious choice to view life in a positive way, no matter what it threw at him.

The last thing he said to me before I went my own way was: “You know there’s a reason we crossed paths. There’s a role we have yet to play in each other’s lives. It is not a coincidence that the optimist meets his opponent.” Being the skeptic that I have become, I saw it as his way of flirting with me, maybe his wish to fulfill a longer role in my life. But if I take away the fact that he is a man and may have another incentive, if I take away my skepticism and distrust; his words may have some truth in it. Maybe if I start letting people back in, I might find they’re not so bad. If I stop being paranoid I might start trusting again. And if I stop looking for the negative, I might find the positive.

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13 Comments to “Mr. Optimist Meets His Challenge”

  1. You are doing very well. Becoming an optimist again will take time. The wounds are still healing. He sounds a lovely man this one who crossed your path.

    • Oh Im sure it will. It’s not even my goal to be an optimist. I was never an optimist, just never a pessimist either. I was somewhere in between. But always very trusting.That trust has now been replaced with skeptism. I’m not saying skeptism is good or bad. It just is what it is.

      This man may be lovely, but I am not interested.Not in that way in any case.

  2. Oh and by the way!! Once you can truly trust yourself then you will feel safe. Then optimism will be easier! I believe now It all comes down to values and the rules you set for those values

    hugs
    xxx

  3. There are no perfect people but if you let your psychic wounds blind you to the good people out there, you are bound never to find happiness again. You are letting your ex have to much place in your head and your heart. There are good people out there as are you. Don’t go through life looking through crap colored glasses.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

    • John you are completely right. I do have too much place in my head and my heart for my ex. But that is logical after 10 years together, isnt it?

      I dont know that I am blinded. I think I’m just being super protective, extra cautious , and a sheltered.
      I thik the happiness will come back when im ready. All in good time.

  4. Personally, I think it’s kinda cool that he’s flirting with you. He likes you. You will learn to trust again and to discern motives, if there are any.

    • I think in life there are alwasy motives. Everything we do is selfish in a way. Even good things.
      Oh and yeah Its always nice to get attention. But somehow right now, not only am i not looking for it, but i actually dont really want it. Maybe i just dont want it from him.

  5. Hey Bye
    I had an 18 marriage, and I just decided that she was broken and she was not going to have rent free space in my head and heart. I left without ever looking back and glad to be away from her and all of her pain that she so enjoyed on inflicting on me. I did not deserve it nor did you and by you letting him stay in your head you are continuing to let him
    hurt you. This is dysfunctional and clearly not in your best interest. There are a lot of broken people in the world
    but you don’t have to own their vision of you. Be done with him once and for all. You have the whole world ahead of you and clearly you are still desirable because you have a nice guy flirting with you.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

  6. @Marriagecoach — WOW! The image you paint of your relationship sounds really harsh. I wonder what your ex’s version of the story would be. I’m not saying that you aren’t painting a valid picture but from my point of view your words sound dismissive. “I just decided that she was broken and she was not going to have rent free space in my head and heart. I left without ever looking back and glad to be away from her…”

    She was broken? Who broke her? As LeAnn Rimes sings, “Crazy women, are made by crazy men.” We tend to react to something that happens to us. Maybe she was missing something and the lack of it caused her to lash out. Or maybe she was crazy. I don’t know. @Bye2MrWrong — you are still desirable because you are lovely, confident and have much to offer the world — not because someone flirted with you. Though that is always a bonus, your worth comes from within you, not someone else’s opinion of you.

  7. Hey Athenavox
    Well I can understand where you are coming from. She was an only child with a really abusive mother. Her dad divorced her mom after she was out of the house because of her controlling and abusive ways and yet she still blamed her dad. She developed this pan anger towards men in general and me in particular. She got angry very easily and very often. She would utter the most hateful words any woman can say to a man to me on a routine basis F**k You. I took her to 5 different marriage counselors just to try to deal with her anger issues to no avail. If you are a christian then you are familiar with the term fasting and praying to cast out certain demons. I can’t tell you how many times that I fasted and prayed and did my very best to work with her. I don’t recommend anyone stay in an abusive relationship no matter what the abuse consists of. Verbal abuse as you know is often more painful than physical abuse.

    I put her through nursing school as well as putting myself through college at the same time and damned near killed myself in the process. Then after that she decided that she wanted to stay home with the kids and because I could not make enough money for that to happen, she gave me a daily verbal bashing, attacking my manhood and my lack of being able to provide better. She would curse me out and put me down in front of my children or to my children in front of me.

    She routinely cursed out her own children. One day my adult son came over for a visit and she was cursing out his younger brother and sister and he said, “mom, you always blamed your cussing on my dad, he has been out of the house for five years, what is your reason now”? She cursed him out and threw him out of the house.

    So yeah, I finally had enough and left her and decided to try to find some happiness away from her. She is verbally abusive to her new husband as well.

    So you tell me, do you still think that I am being harsh?

    As to my comment about Bye2 I have been telling her that for almost a year (that she is valuable in her own right) and just used the fact that that men found her attractive and that she did not need to own the negative opinions of her ex. I am not nearly as shallow as you percieve me to be.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  8. Good heavens! I’m so sorry that you married a wack job! I can’t handle people who yell. Luckily I’ve never dated one of those before. So, no, you aren’t being harsh. I wonder, were there signs that she was loco before you married her? The fact that you stuck it out for 18 years is impressive. Hope you have a better life now!

  9. Actually she was a good actress who hid her wackiness until after we got married. The yelling was not so bad, it was the cursing me out and saying F**k you in that hateful tone that really hurt. Ironically, saying f**k me in passion was out of the question as that was nasty and wrong but in her mind fuck you in anger was completely acceptable and well within her bounds. She said it to my kids as well. She knew that it produced the maximum level of hurt emotionally. It of course was always completely my fault and she NEVER accepted any blame or any responsibility just like wife beaters do. If she didn’t piss me off I would not have to beat her. She deserved it. Sound familiiar?
    John

  10. Bipolar? And they never accept blame do they? Somehow it is always someone else’s fault. There should be a class every year in school called, Empathy and Self-Reflection. I am always amazed when I hear a politician say, “I take full responsibility for….” It’s so refreshing. Rare, but nice to hear since so many are used to saying, “It wasn’t me!”

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