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Some Things Weren’t Meant to Last

by bye2mrwrong

In life we constantly need credentials to show who we are, what we’ve done, and what our potential is. Diplomas, certificates, references and degrees are documents that guide us through life.

IF a swimming diploma shows that if shoved into a pool of water I will not drown; a high school certificate proves that if required I can sit on my ass for hours, read boring material, and memorize it until I’m blue in the face; a university degree demonstrates that I am a critical thinker, I can and do use my brain once in a while; a driver’s license attests that I am capable of driving from A to B without killing all obstacles in my way; a marriage certificate validates that I am a serious and committed adult. What does a divorce certificate prove?

Today it arrived. My official divorce documentation. Ahhh another opportunity to analyze, re-analyze and over-analyze what went wrong and  when, who was to blame and why. 10 years of partnership terminated, approved and boldly stamped in red. It feels like yet another punch in the stomach, another slap in the face. This crappy piece of paper is proof of my failure. Proof that some things weren’t meant to last. That some certificates are crap; they can be given one day and taken away the next.

Isn’t that the joke of life? God gives it, only to take it away. Let’s not forget, birth and death certificates are proof of that. I guess credentials don’t really mean much then, do they? My diploma may show that I graduated the theories I learned, but it doesn’t prove I will be good in practice. My driver’s license shows I can drive, but doesn’t assure that I will do it sober. My marriage certificate proved I wanted to be in a relationship, but it didn’t forecast for how long.

P.s. Sorry for being in such a negative mood today. Maybe I should be grateful. Grateful for life while there’s still proof that I am living.

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 10:42 AM in Divorce, Life   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

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11 Comments to “Some Things Weren’t Meant to Last”

    
  1. marriagecoach1
    August 9, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    Consider it a learning experience. You will fall in love again. You will find another man and be happy. If I were there I would hold you in my arms and let you have a good cry on my waterproof shoulders.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

    Reply
    • AthenaVox
      August 12, 2011 at 8:45 AM

      I will say this until i am blue in the face. Find joy in yourself through an old or new hobby. Know that being single is not the end of the world. When I first got divorced a good friend of mine listened to me cry over breakfast. I said, “I don’t want to be alone.” she reminded me of a valuable lesson –“You are not alone. You are single.” You have friends and family and soon a new hobby to fill your time.

      Do not worry about finding someone new. That will happen when its supposed to. I made a decision to not date until I crossed my first finish line. It was great because the focus was not, finding a new guy, it was training. And telling guys at the gym I wasn’t dating for a while just made them try harder. I made a few new friends in my abstinence. Lesson: focus on you, not a new dude! A new guy at this point is the worst thing for you when you have anxiety and depression. Fix you first. You don’t want to be some guys broken, fixer upper.

      Reply
  2. backonmyown
    August 9, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    This IS a crappy day. But it is also one more step through the haze and toward the sunlight. I’ll think good thoughts for you today. Hugs.

    Reply
  3. maurice
    August 9, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    I try not to focus too much on the certificates in life, they only show that we perform up to certain standards set forth by the world. Instead I stay in tune with what’s in my heart. What kind of love drove me and what kind of love do I choose to keep in my heart. I can only imagine the pain you felt when hit with another reminder of cold reality. My best wishes to you.

    Reply
    • bye2mrwrong
      August 9, 2011 at 6:04 PM

      Thanks Maurice. When youre emotional every little thing triggers you. So obviously this was a big trigger. And having to change my i.d. from married to divorced in a few days will be another one.

      You may be right. No need to focus on certificates (although the world truly does). A fellow blogger just wrote a beautiful post called “Things they should Teach you at school” and included things like: how to love someone, how to apologize without defending yourself, how to take responsibility for your own happiness, how to follow through with commitments etc. I wonder what one would need to do in order tp get a diploma for those kinds of lessons in life.
      http://polkadotteapot.wordpress.com/2011/08/06/things-they-should-teach-you-in-school/

      Reply
  4. Caroline
    August 9, 2011 at 8:30 PM

    This was 100% bound to be a real crappy day. Unless you’d been the one to smash it all up it wasn’t going to be anything else.

    My LC keeps saying to me that what he teaches should be taught in school – we don’t get the lessons we should and need – we throw ourselves into marriage with a certain level of rose-tinted specs and no one ever tells us how to understand the differences between men and women, how they think and behave differently and how we should meet each others needs and give 100% of the time. He puts it so much better than I do, but I’m sure you’ve read some of his posts on his blog.

    I am still waiting my Divorce Certificate – I totally dread it arriving. I know I too still have to go over that final hurdle.

    Thinking of you. Hugs

    xxxxx

    Reply
    • bye2mrwrong
      August 10, 2011 at 10:04 AM

      Yup I think were so busy learning about history in school, we forget to learn about ourselves. Who we are, what makes us who we are, how to value ourselves etc.
      When i met my ex I was in love, but I knew his faults and was willing to accept them. So I was sure that my lovew wasnt blind. Now I’m not so sure. I think love is always painted in shades of pink. Thats what makes it so wonderful.

      Anyway, when your papers come in, I hope you’ll write about it and we will write you back with words of encouragment and virtual hugs.

      Thanks always for your support. Hugs. X

      Reply
      • AthenaVox
        August 11, 2011 at 9:22 PM

        Caroline,
        Go buy yourself a bottle of champagne and some cranberry juice (for the antioxidants!) Keep the two bottles refrigerated. When those papers come in, pour yourself a lovely glass of 3:1 champagne to cranberry. And then do the following:

        1. Sit in a comfy spot. Open the envelope and read the contents.
        2. Take a moment; cry if you need to.
        3. Toast to your fabulous self. Your new beginning awaits you.
        4. Drink.
        5. Drink some more.
        6. Journal or blog.
        7. Drink another glass for me and bye2mrwrong
        8. Search the web for something you’ve always wanted to do and never did: take a photography class, skydive, run a marathon, take an painting class, learn Italian at the community college….find SOMETHING NEW to do.
        9. Drink some more, but drink this glass naked. It’s liberating!
        10. Take a deep breath and sign up for the new adventure.
        11. Log onto your favorite shoe store and buy a pair of ridiculously high as hell heels!
        12. Cry or laugh yourself to sleep.

        P.S. If you don’t drink — I guess substitute with sparkling grape juice!

  5. maurice
    August 10, 2011 at 2:22 AM

    Takes a lot of living to get that diploma, but once you have it no one can take it from you

    Reply
  6. marriagecoach1
    August 11, 2011 at 11:14 PM

    Have to agree with Athenavox here. You need to start treating yourself well to overcome the loser mistreating you.
    Blessings on you and yours
    John

    Reply
  7. bye2mrwrong
    August 12, 2011 at 7:30 AM

    Athena,
    At the rate you’ve got her drinking Im afraid she wont be able to blog 😉
    No worries Caroline I’ll be happy to drink one or two of those glasses on your behalf!

    Reply
    

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