Lesson #26: Frame Every So-Called Disaster With These Words: “In Five Years, Will This Matter?”

by bye2mrwrong

Life is a journey, and in that journey we hit bumps, we reach difficult cross roads and dead ends; we stumble, we fall, we bruise, we hurt and we cry. Life’s journey can be harsh and difficult, the lessons learned extreme. Sometimes surviving the journey is the worst kind of pain.  And while we feel that pain consuming us, we believe that life won’t be the same afterwards. We somehow expect the world to STOP.

But it doesn’t. Life goes on like nothing has happened. You wake up in the morning only to realize that you’re still alive. The sun has risen again, there is light out and a new day has arrived. Like everyone else around, you continue. Days, Month, Years pass by. Slowly the pain fades away, leaving only a mark in its place.

Professedly today’s disaster will have limited if any impact on our life say 5 years from now. Our perceptions of events change over time.  I guess the point of today’s lesson is just that. If and when the pain of our so-called disaster fades away, will it matter? When we were little, if we fell and wounded ourselves we would run back to mommy to wipe away the blood, kiss our bruise, and make the pain go away. If the fall was hard enough to leave a scar we could still look back at it and be reminded of the fall. But the pain is long forgotten. I suppose the same goes for the deeper wounds, the emotional ones. The ones where the scar is not as visible on the outside, as it is on the inside. Even those scars heal, even broken hearts mend. The question standing is how soon do we forget? How long does it take before it doesn’t really matter? One minute, one hour, one week, one month, one year, one lifetime?

I’ve found out that so much can happen in a year, let alone five. And with my luck anything and everything can happen in a year. In one year I found out that my husband was having an affair, I went for the first time to a psychologist, I lost my job, I got divorced, I fell in lust, I left my home, flew to another country, and after 10 years out I moved back in with my parents.

So will it matter in 5 years from now that I was cheated on, that my heart broke, that I divorced?

I guess that depends what the next 5 years hold for me. If my future turns out to be all sunshine and roses, if I find my dream job and a dream man to go along, if I get married to this dreamy lad, and have his child, if every choice I make from now on will be a success…well then I guess that everything that happened until now (including and especially getting divorced) won’t really have mattered. And actually may be a blessing in disguise.

But if I meet a slew of men, only to find out that none of them are right, but only right now. If I discover that I cannot find a job here, or cannot afford to rent a place on my own, If I feel that I am lonely without my old friends, and I have not met any new ones; if being so close to my family will drive me up the wall and cause a family feud…..then it will matter. It will matter that I divorced and that this was the path that it led me on.

4 Comments to “Lesson #26: Frame Every So-Called Disaster With These Words: “In Five Years, Will This Matter?””

  1. I hope in 5 years time we are all – in some way – still in touch. Your fears are understandable and you’re not alone. All I can suggest is use the fear in a positive way to ensure what you fear doesn’t happen. Turn it round and focus on getting all you genuinely want and desire. I wish I could put it better. All I know is if we focus on the fear then what we fear is what we’ll get.

    So if we focus on not getting a job then not getting a job is what will happen. But focus on getting a job – even a temporary one and taking what’s offered could lead to unexpected opportunities.

    You will get the future you want. I’m sure of it. You’ve come such a long way in a short space of time. You’ve had to deal with 2 of the most traumatic things in life in one year: divorce and moving and you’ve come through intact! Well done you.

    So give yourself a pat on the back – you’ve earned it.

    As to the scars. Yes the wounds will heal. The scar will remain – maybe for all of us as a small ache – who knows. I suppose we can only discover that over time.


    • Thanks Caroline.
      I too hope that in 5 years time we will still be in touch, and blogging. Only I hope our blogs will be brighter, with new adventure, amazing stories, much less traumatic than the ones we’ve told so far.

  2. Hi bye2. I marked this post as “unread” so I could think about it. I guess the thing I kept coming back to was that Regina Brett has never been divorced. She just might be a little out of her league on this one. For the most part, her book has good sound principles in it but she doesn’t have the experience to back this one up.

    I think Caroline’s comment is right on the money and I agree with all that she said. And we are all growing and learning and so much better than we were a few months ago. And you, in particular, should congratulate yourself. Moving and divorcing are two of the highest stressors we ever have to deal with. Keep writing.

    • Thanks Pat.
      Its nice to constantly hear from you that you see me growing. I see it in you. But not n myself. Funny how we are so objective but only when it comes to others. I know Ive learned a lot. And half of moving forward is learning. But the other half accepting and actually moving past all this is quite hard. I’m juist not there yet. I keep thinking that I’m stuck, and I dont understand why i just cant accept things and let them be.

      Initially i thought moving would be a relief. But i guess it is harder than i thought. It was just me running away from problems. But with these kinds of problems, you run and the problems run right wiith you.

      I do have to say i cry much less. It could be the distractions ive created for myself, the constant business, or maybe just not being there surrounded by our memories. But in a way im not sure if crying less is better or worse. If i cry am i healing? am i letting my emotions out rather than blocking them? Or am i staying stuck in the pain? in the victim mode?

      Well i definately will keep writing. I do love it.And even more i love our little network that weve created. Wish we all could meet one day (maybe in 5 years) when were strong!

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