Lesson #13: Don’t Compare Your Life to Others. You Have No Idea What Their Journey is All About

by bye2mrwrong

Don’t try to fill anyone else’s shoes. The word doesn’t need you to be someone else. The world needs you to be you. You can compare yourself to those above you and whine or compare yourself to those below you and gloat, or you can stay focused on that man or woman in the mirror and embrace his or her unique assignment with gratitude.

My friends split into two crowds. The ones that are married, or getting married, have children, or at least plan to; and the ones that are still single. When I look at the married ones I am filled with feelings of envy and jealousy. I wonder what they’re doing right that I did wrong. How they manage to stick together even through their trials and tribulations. I wonder why it couldn’t be me.

When I look at my single friends I secretly thank God on their behalf, that they have not had to go through what I have, that they have not had to deal with the loss of love, and the pain of divorce. I count them as lucky for their single rather than divorced status. It seems that I am the kind of person who tends to focus on everyone else’s strengths, while I only see my own weaknesses. It’s quite a shame, and frankly it’s an insult.

But in all honesty I don’t think I’m right to judge, or to compare. I don’t know what others have been through or are going through. I cannot see behind closed doors. The fact that I don’t see the full picture does not mean that they don’t have to deal with the same problems as me. Maybe
they haven’t been through a divorce, but they might have been through something harsher, tougher, even more painful. I guess the lesson here is that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

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7 Comments to “Lesson #13: Don’t Compare Your Life to Others. You Have No Idea What Their Journey is All About”

  1. I’m just reading about you and your story… but i must admit, i’m drawn in on the human aspect of your words… I have to also play devils advocate with this particular post… just think… let’s say you came on vacation to my little portion of the world, and you were in a love-less marriage yet, there was an immediate pull for you and i to chat and talk about how beautiful this portion of the world really is… i would have to leave our conversation right there. I couldn’t let you know how beautiful and astonding of a woman that you really are…. however now that I know you’re divorced and you know i’m divorced and you came on vacation, you can reach beyond being trapped by someone who doesn’t love you to feel something those friends that you describe above could be envious of…. a new found love…something that makes you smile a little differently… something that brings new thoughts and a new aspect to a deeper sence of loving someone in a new way….another opportunity to love depper than ever before by allowing hindsight to guide you…. these are some of the things that your friends who are still together after all of these years should be happy to see you doing….they should want your happiness… when you admit that you see weakness, i see a woman who is smart enough to see relationships as a sanctuary…something to be admired… you know how beautiful that is? I think it’s amazing…i don’t see weakness in your words… I read a lot of stories about women…i study their reactions to not just my words but to the culture of the options of the world in front of them. I see strength…poise…and a bit of uncertainty in wht you thik you might want for your future…the nice thing is that you want something that won’t let you down like your past… Sometimes it’s not what you did wrong…it’s about the fact that one person in your old relationship had to be the weaker one…their love wasn’t as strong as yours was…sometimes it’s not the fault of both of the people in the relationship… i know…I have wrecked relationships before by being the weak one… did any of those girls deserve it? maybe one or two…but over all? no… I was the weak one…while they were doing the admirable thing… life is amazing…I hope you open the door enough to realize you are part of that amazing mix that men swoon for…they crave girls like you… if you don’t belive me…i’m one of them…I’ll be the first to admit it…

    T.

    • Hi T, welcome to my blog, my story, my life. I do hope you’ll be visiting often.
      I must say eloquenly put, and a bit intriguing. You are such a womanizer 😉
      But back to your words…I think I paused for a long time at: “you can reach beyond being trapped by someone who doesn’t love you”. The thing is, and this will sound strange to anyone reading it who has followed my story; I’m not sure he doesn’t love me. And thats the problem. I actually think he does. Ok he screwed up big time, made mistake after mistake, convinced himself he wasnt the problem. And at the end conviced me that we were just not meant to be, that we are two peope with two very different goals in life. But still it doesnt mean he doesnt love me.

      As for the rest of what you said, well thank you. I’m happy to know someone out there sees my qualities as strenghts. And that maybe somewhere out there is a man who will swoon over me, crave me and stick with me for the long run. Now just tell me where to find him. And please dont say somewhere in the carribean on some far off island. I think its time for the man of my dreams to come chasing me for a change, rather than the other way around.

  2. And you know what I see when I look at my divorced friends? Someone who loved and was loved enough by someone at some point to make it to the altar in the first place.
    Yes, the grass is always greener, our own hardships are always the hardest.
    I see people seemingly sail through break-ups apparently unscathed, meet someone new within weeks and start the whole process over again. Does that mean they are better at dealing with things than I am? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they haven’t met anyone they love enough to mourn over. Or maybe they have, and it hurt, and now they try to keep their involvements superficial…
    All we can do is rise to our personal challenges the best we can and trust that our paths are leading us to where we need to be to find our little niche that brings us happiness.

    • But would you rather reach the altar only to break those vows which were pledged there later on?
      This is where my thoughts turn those thoughts about “wasted time”.

      Jumping from one relationship to another, from rebound to rebound, may not be the answer. Although many do it, and some even find their new love that way. Does it mean they’ve dealt with their emotions, with their pain? Probably not. They have just numbed it, pushed it to the background, hoping it will stay there.

      I think that the way we deal with it (writing, feeling, allowing the pain in) takes more courage, and eventually helps us grow and learn from our mistakes, so that hopefully we will not repeat the same mistakes again.

  3. Good post, bye2. I once had an AlAnon friend who would tell me, “Don’t compare my outside to your inside.” Good advice, I think.

    There’s a good chance that your married friends are envious of your single status.

    Keep writing.

  4. Excellent post. I often find myself feeling I’m luckier than others, that others have to deal with more than I had to. Perhaps it’s a method of helping us get through our own pain.

    You’re doing well. Hugs. My thoughts are with you.

  5. You’re a brilliant & stunning lady. ❤

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