Lesson #7: Cry with Someone. It’s More Healing than Crying Alone

by bye2mrwrong

How many of us have been told that crying is a sign of weakness? If you’re a girl and you cry you’re a drama queen. If you’re a boy and you cry, well that’s just a big no-no. So we push our emotions further and further back into the deepest and darkest corners of our minds. Hoping that they will stay there, idle and forgotten. Praying that we will never have the need to deal with them later.

But let’s be honest. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about crying, we all do it. Even if you’re the most macho persona in the world – someday, some time, something so sad will happen that it brings you to tears. And… that’s perfectly all right.

Crying is a form of release from the pain we’re feeling. Cry alone and you’ll keep crying those same tears over and over again. Cry with someone and those tears have the power to heal you once and for all. Crying alone lets you experience a small sense of relief. But it’s crying with someone trusted that can really heal you. Someone who understands you, is willing to listen, and hold your hand through your pain.

There have been many moments throughout the past year, even now, where I find myself holding back my tears. Trying hard not to let them show. Not to get misty-eyed, puffy nosed, and red-cheeked. Why? Because somehow crying is not really accepted. Or maybe my perfectionist-self doesn’t accept it. I seem to think people judge me for it, although probably it’s really just me who’s doing all the judging. In my mind I fear that there is some sort of accepted time frame for how long one is meant to grieve or feel sorry for themselves. I fear that if I cry in front of others I will have to start talking, or answering questions that I don’t feel like answering. Or worse, I dread having to listen to cheery and enthusiastic people who always seems to find a positive spin to everything in life, who try hard to make me laugh when all I want is to cry, be gloomy and depressed for a bit.

Those spiritual and full-of-zest people have made me realize that I’m not the biggest fan of the many quotes and clichés that have been thrown in my direction e.g. “There are plenty of other fish in the sea”, or talks of karma “he’ll get what’s coming to him”, and how things are meant to be and happen for a reason beyond our knowledge. Those expressions, idioms and renowned we-heard-them-all-before phrases; are nice and all, and I truly believe that they are meant to give us hope when we are on the edge of despair, but sometimes all one needs is just a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and an understanding heart.

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3 Responses to “Lesson #7: Cry with Someone. It’s More Healing than Crying Alone”

  1. I learned a long time ago that my shoulders were waterproof and a source of comfort for a woman to cry on. Sometimes she just needs to cry it out and for it to okay with me.

    John

  2. Crying is good. I haven’t always known that. My dad used to call me a cry baby. So I got tough and I spent years stuffing my tears. I don’t do that now and I’m much healthier for it. Cry whenever you feel like it.

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