Archive for May 22nd, 2011

May 22, 2011

Blind Love

by bye2mrwrong

“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.”

Now that my double vision is finally clear, I have come to appreciate that although unintentionally, I like so many others have been a charlatan, and knowing this now means that I realize the hypocrisy of my own words. Just a few months ago it was me who didn’t want to be woken up, me who was living in a dream world. Me who was ignoring the blinding red flags and keeping my eyes wide shut. When it comes to love we’re all just hypocrites. We don’t get to pick who we fall in love with. And most of us see what we want to see when we love someone and sometimes we get taken for a real ride.

As outsiders it’s easy. We see the truth as it is. We are objective and are vision is nowhere near blurry. So we go around telling people what to do and what not to, what to feel and how to love. We all become “accredited” psychologists capable of giving love prescriptions and advice. We analyze the situation, and we hastily give our recommendations out.

And if were not psychologists we’re psychics with a clairvoyance of the future, capable of foreseeing the disasters ahead, and instantly ready to give our word of advice, call attention to the red flags and highlight the “should be obvious” warning signs.

We know the difference between wrong and right. We can see when someone is just no good, and so we rush to expose the truth and tell our friends to move on. Everyone is a big shot when it comes to giving others counsel, or telling others what to do. We are know-it-alls. Quick to judge and criticize, predict and warn. And sometimes when we’re not cautious we accidentally spit out the not necessary “I told you so” card.

But when it happens to you, when you’re the one that’s foolishly in love… it’s different. When it comes to our own lives we’re not only blind to the truth (those signs and signals staring us in the face), but we’re also deaf to the lies. Not only do we not listen to others but we don’t even take our own advice (the one we would have been so quick to give other). Suddenly we do irrational, silly, and uncharacteristic things “in the name of love”. We make excuses, we ignore the negative signs. We only listen to our heart, because if you “win the heart the mind will follow, and the intellect can always find logic to justify what the heart has already decided.” We’re ready to make our own mistakes. We’ll ditch friends, we’ll steal, we’ll fight, we’ll fake and betray ourselves. Some of us cheat. Others turn a blind eye.

“But love is blind and lovers cannot see
the pretty follies that themselves commit.”

Shakespeare

Tags:
May 22, 2011

Lowering My Standards: From Hero to Zero

by bye2mrwrong

When I first started writing this post I meant for the title “From Hero to Zero” to be directed at the men I pick and choose. But by the time I finished writing it, dissecting the words on the page and analyzing it in my mind; I felt that the title was more suited to me. Somewhere in my past I was the hero, the courageous girl who could stand up for herself. Once upon a time I had a strong backbone, high standards, and refused to be pushed around. I knew if someone had done me wrong, and I had the audacity to walk away when that happened.

But somehow, without my knowledge, or awareness, something changed and somewhere along the line I faltered.  When did this change happen? I don’t know. When have I started lowering my standards? When was it that I started allowing the men that walked into my life, to walk all over me?

I remember when I was 7 I had a “boyfriend”. He was my first one. We were really cute together. We had play dates, went to each other’s house after school, watched cartoons, did our homework, and when we were done we would go out to play in the park. It was a great relationship, one without too many complications. One day when he saw me crying at school, he came up to me to comfort me and when he asked what had happened, I told him a secret. That secret as secrets go, was supposed to stay between us. But when he broke my trust and told one of the teachers, I immediately wrote him off. With no explanations necessary, from that day on I no longer wanted to call him mine.

When I was 9, I had my second boyfriend. He had given me a hair pin with a cute note asking me for my hand. Finding the gesture absolutely sweet I accepted. Only that when I realized he was doing the same with other girls… I let go of his hand and never gave mine back. He too no longer had a second chance in my book, even years later when we grew up.

At 15 I found myself stuck in an intricate love triangle. The two boys fighting over my attention had decided to make the decision over who would win me, their own. They hadn’t considered my thoughts on the matter. But I wasn’t going to be a prize to be won. I was not going to allow them to make that choice for me. I knew who I liked better regardless of who won. And I stood my ground.

15 years later, the question that needs to be asked is: what happened between then and now? Why is that now I’m willing to forgive and forget so easily? Why do I let the men in my life make me feel weak, control me? Why do I need the false endearments of a man who doesn’t really love?