Forgetting You

by bye2mrwrong

Why am I still so emotional? Oh yeah, first signatures – signed! Will it ever go away all this hurt and pain? I was fine yesterday, but once night-time came I was filled with extreme sadness. I woke up this morning gloomy and depressed. He still controls my every thought. He is still prancing around in the catacombs of my mind. Why didn’t he love me? Why wasn’t I enough? And why did he choose to flight rather than fight?

 Today I saw him and I felt the need to attack. I needed to hurt. I needed to blame. I became even more cynical than I usually am. I intended to sting. And I did. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life. I know that from experience. Cause when we argue we know exactly which words will sting the sharpest, cut the deepest, scar the nastiest, and last the longest.

 It’s been a year and I still can’t let it go. And he, he still can’t take responsibility for what he’s done. He claims that it’s not the affair that caused us to split. It’s my behavior afterward. But what kind of behavior did he expect? Did he want me to just smile and be happy about it? Did he want me to say it’s OK; let’s just forget it and move on?!

 Innocently he asks: What have I ever done to you? Why do you have to be so spiteful so vindictive? Why can’t we just stay friends? I know most of the arguments we had this past year were because of me. I’m not pretending otherwise. And I’m sorry for that. I truly am. Maybe I could have been calmer. Maybe I could have tried harder. Maybe I could have been the bigger person. Maybe that would have changed the way things turned out. But what I couldn’t do was just sweep it under the rug.

He still doesn’t get it. He still doesn’t realize the scope of the damage he’s done. He doesn’t understand the pain. He has left me empty-handed to start all over again from scratch. Does he have remorse? Will he ever? Will he miss me once I’m gone?  When I ask him: Do you feel like you’ve won; he takes the words out of my mouth and my mind and replies “I haven’t won, I’ve lost. We both have. I’ve lost my best friend”.

I retort sarcastically saying: I thought she is still in the picture. But I know what he means. And I feel the same. I lost my partner, my companion,my husband and my best friend.  A friend I had for 10 years. In order to gain an equivalent friend 10 years will have to pass by. I’ll be 40 by then. To me that feels like a life time. I hope I forget him by then.

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11 Comments to “Forgetting You”

  1. Nothing ever comes from lashing out at someone and attacking them. This is called aggressive behavior. Assertive behavior is explaining how he hurt you without attacking him. Any time someone atttacks you, you feel like fighting back rather than resolving the problem.

    You are expecting certain things from him that he is unlikely to deliver to you. You can’t make people do right. There are a lot of broken people in the world and you can’t fix them. Sadly, those broken people dump their problems on you.

    You need to seize the day, pick yourself up and forge ahead on life’s adventure. You can find someone better than him who will make you feel cherished and loved. I would really suggest that you go on my blog or punch into google marriagecoach1 and find one of several articles on how to stop fighting with your spouse and to have peaceful conflict resolution. If you will utilize those principles, I promise you that things will go better with you in the future.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

    • Youre right. The blame game is never really helpful.
      And my expectations will sorrowfully never be met, at least not by him. Not anymore.
      I will pick my self up. Soon. I’m sure it will happen eventually.

      Thanks for your support always.

  2. I completely understand – my ex said so many similar things to me. He clearly has hidden issues which he doesn’t want to address and until he can love himself he can’t be the man he should be. That’s what I reckon (after weeks of coaching!!)

    Hugs

    Caroline

    • I asked him if she was worth it, and he just answered that he tries not to think of it.
      You see, while we analyze, and dissect every little thing that happened… they somehow manage to put it aside, to forget, (and also forgivethemselves). I wish I culd do that so easily. Shove it, sweep it, make it disappear. Forget!
      Ever seen Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind? I need something like that to help me forget. But then the question remains: Does knowledge of the past limit us or benefit us?

  3. You deserve better, girl. You just do.

    Let go of the past. I know it still hurts right now, but you can move on and start anew. Lots of people get married in their 30s. One of my coworkers just got married in her 30s and she had been divorced before. Don’t give up hope.

  4. Well hopefully we learn from our mistakes. Edison had over 1,000 failures before he finally got the lightbulb to work. I say that we can profit from our past mistakes and move on. He never really loved you or he would not have put you through what he did.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  5. Some of this is still a bit raw for you. That will pass.

    I saw my ex this week at a grandchild’s track meet. Afterward I thought, “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him and his problems anymore.” And you know what? I really meant it.

    Hang on!

  6. This really struck a chord with me. The biggest hurdle I faced was just accepting that I would never get what I wanted from him, not even a most basic “sorry”. Not getting that from him made it feel like everything was unfinished and I desperately wanted that so that I could tie it all of in my mind (and also my heart, I suppose), let bygones be bygones and move on. I thought that if I got that apology, then that would somehow make it easier to get over it.
    ?? Maybe it would have helped a little but realistically, I probably would have just found some other “if only” scenario to torture myself with.
    The best thing you can do is to stop trying to get that from him, because everytime he fails to deliver, it hurts more, and you get more bitter.
    Chin up, it’s absolute HELL, there’s no denying that – but just remember, his inability to even acknowledge how hurtful his actions were- that’s really about him, not about you. YOU are a strong, gorgeous woman who has a wonderful bright future ahead SANS cheating husband!! YOU have an opportunity to do what you want, pursue your dreams and meet some really wonderful, good people. Then, when you start to feel better about it all- and you will- and you can accept that you did your best and it is what it is, then the bitterness will fade too. Im not saying you are going to end up being best buddies, but you can look forward to a day when you will experience, freedom- because you will realise you just dont really care either way anymore.

  7. I totally understand what you mean. Give that love and understanding you need from yourself. You are asking him to give you something he can’t. Instead of being mad, release him from the obligation to make you feel good. He can’t do it and you will be empty.

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