Sacrifice to Gain

by bye2mrwrong

“To gain that which is worth having,
it may be necessary to lose everything else.”

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve. You get even less than you settled for.” The old adage got me thinking. Am I getting the raw end of the deal? And what is it that I’m really settling on? What is my sacrifice?

After months and months of papers flying back and forth between 8 pairs of hands, lawyer bills stacking up, arguments, destructive words, tears, and occasionally waking up on some strange couch; my husband and I have finally decided to settle.

Let me be more precise – I decided to give in to his demands, settling for a lower price. On the one hand something in the pit of my stomach still tells me it’s not right. If there are two people who want to reach an agreement then there should be two people who negotiate and compromise. I shouldn’t have to feel like I lost. I shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. I shouldn’t settle at all. Take it to court and fight this one out till the bitter end, no matter what the result.

But divorce and everything surrounding it, is not that easy when you have two very stubborn people concerned. One who doesn’t understand still what he’s done and the other who wants him to pay for it. If we keep fighting, this will be a long war, with casualties on both sides.

So while my mind is not completely in agreement with my own decision to settle, on the other hand, I feel peaceful, relaxed, and finally at rest. The prospect of not having to deal with it anymore, of not having to fight, or argue; the prospect of just starting a totally new life suddenly seems more than appealing.

“Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash”. Ridiculous. Disgusting.  But true. And is that cash really worth putting my life on hold any longer? Is the misery this has caused me worth any $$ amount?

In the end I guess that what I’m really settling for maybe a bit less money, but  some well deserved peace of mind that comes with a sooner–than-expected fresh new start. So with gritted teeth I accept that I may have lost the battle, but in the end we both lost the war.

Time to lick my wounds, pack up and move on.

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4 Comments to “Sacrifice to Gain”

  1. What a healthy attitude. I lost EVERYTHING to a bitter ex girlfriend. What I realized is that it is just STUFF and I can always get more stuff. You have your health and your looks and you can start over and pick more wisely on the next relationship.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  2. I also think it’s that final hurdle which is the hardest to get over. That final closure of the whole episode. I wonder if it’s that which brings out the final determination to reach that last compromise.

    But peace of mind is important. Well done you. You will have won the war – it’s just knowing what the actual war was.

  3. Ahhhh. Bless you. I think you should focus on what you said about being “peaceful, relaxed and finally at rest.” I had to play hard ball with the money because of my age and length of our marriage. I was fighting for financial survival. I would have finished all of it much sooner if I could have. Take a deep breath and be happy that it’s done. And I keep telling myself that not everyone gets the chance to start over. We do.

  4. This is a good thing! You did your best to get the best outcome, but as you say, the fight could go on for so much longer, and in the end the only winners would be the lawyers. Now you can move on, and in the not too distant future you will look back and be thankful you did let it go when you did, because you’ll be happy! 🙂

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