Wishful Thinking

by bye2mrwrong

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

The human brain is a wonderful organ. It’s verbal, logical analytical, intuitive, creative and emotional. But sometimes an overactive mind can start playing tricks on us. We find ourselves caught in the shoulda, woulda, coulda thoughts about a past we no longer have control of, reliving moments and events we should have long ago left behind. At other times we find ourselves caught in the realm of “what if”, daydreaming, imagining and fantasizing of an alternative future we could have only hoped for.

I’ve been pondering over the “what if” question for some time now. My husband’s affair as well as our separation has taught me so much and I have grown from it. But it makes me wonder: if I’ve grown, learned and matured from this experience then he must have too, right?! So what if now a wiser man and wiser women would meet again? Could they be happy together? Would they now withstand the tests laid down before them? What if we stayed? What if we tried?

There is something strangely passive and even abusive about the “what if” question. All of these ‘what ifs’ usually amount to nothing. Yet the thoughts come uninvited and always seem to hold such force on us; haunting us, spinning in our minds, weighing on our hearts.

One of the saddest things in a break-up is the imaginary future that you’ll never have with the person who you have now left behind. This inability to accept incompatibility or just the fact that we had grown apart as individuals is emotionally draining. But I know now that it is not him that I miss or love but the concept, the picture I had in my mind. So I realize that while some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes being strong means letting go.

8 Responses to “Wishful Thinking”

  1. This was good for me to read and be reminded. Your last paragraph says it so well. Letting go of the dream of what could have been is so difficult yet so necessary. Thank you for saying it so eloquently.


  2. Last paragraph is perfect, just what I needed to hear. Can I steal the first sentence of that paragraph for my wall, I’ll give you credit of course 🙂

  3. Jay,

    I wouldn’t call it stealing..more like borrowing 😉 and yes of-course. anything that will help yourself and other readers.
    Good Luck!

  4. I cried reading this because I constantly play the “what if” game. I find myself not wanting to move on because I have hope that things can still work out with my last boyfriend. Deep down, I know that I need to keep my heart open to loving new people and opportunities… I just wish letting go was easier.

    Amazing post. You said what I couldn’t find the words to express.

  5. Jaclyn,
    Letting go is hard. But to be honest its time that has gotten me to this point. Its been already more than a year since i found out about the affair, and almost a year of separation and going through the divorce. Basically what I’m trying to say is that it wasn’t easy letting go of both the beautiful past memories I have, or of the dreams and hopes I imagined for us. But time really is a healer of all wounds…and although the thoughts do cross my mind once in a while, by now I could never see us getting back together. I know you’ll get there too!

  6. Yes letting go is the tough one! I do know we will all get there. Time as you say, is the healer. That and having some good goals to focus on!

    Your post is excellent. Thank you


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