The Other Woman

by bye2mrwrong

“There is always one woman to save you from another
and as that woman saves you she makes ready to destroy”
(Charles Bukowski)

Where the hell did my husband mange to find a hypocrite whore, from all the women in the world?! A “devote” Mormon, the mistress/slut does not drink coffee or tea as it is not allowed according to the scriptures. But sleeping around and coveting other women’s husbands is probably not a crime in her holy covenant. Disrespectful of her own parents, and unfaithful to both her ex-husbands; still she is a dedicated follower who goes to church almost every Sunday to ask Christ forgiveness for her sins. Hypocritically enough, once she has been forgiven, she continues sinning, as she knows that she will be forgiven again the next time.

I cannot say I know too much about this girl as I have not had the “pleasure” of her company for too long; but while we were still on speaking terms she did offer me some insight into her background. I heard stories of the girl she once was, and how she had gone through all possible stages in her short life in an attempt to find out who she was; from rock to punk, from gothic to the girl next door, from drunkard to teetotal, from innocent to slutty, and from naive, to experienced. A wild child covered in tattoos, she often played the role of the angel in disguise, the victim who needed shelter and protection from the big bad world.

She preyed on men that were weak, or maybe just willing. She used sex to her advantage. I do not know how many lives has she has destroyed or how many broken hearts has she left behind.  But I do know that she cheated on her husbands countless times, usually with their own friends. The first husband her high-school sweetheart ended up going to jail after beating up the 5th and last man he caught her with. A man she said was gay, and then ran off with, as she stole her husband’s money and credit cards.

Then as she met the next man in her life, once she got bored she moved on to his best friend, who apparently gave her the attention she craved and shelter she needed. This was the man she then married, although he too bored her quite quickly afterwards.

Her next affairs were with older men, married men with families, her employers, and others just random strangers who gave her the attention she seeked. She jumped from bed to bed in an attempt to define her being, to prove the worthiness of her existence. Like jelly, she fit perfectly into the lives of so many different men. Like a chameleon she changed her appearance and her demeanor to fit theirs. Right now she has changed the color of her hair once again according to her next client’s desire. And so she will fit into his life as she kicks his current girlfriend of 2 years to the curb.

As of today she is out of the life of both my husband and his brother. She has left to move in with her next victim. But I am sure she will still haunt me wherever I go. In my mind she will always represent the women who lack morals, and have no mercy, compassion, or remorse, for the casualties they leave behind. Heartless predators who in attempt to find their own happiness, stomp on that of others, and knowingly pursue the husbands, boyfriends, and other “unavailable” men.

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10 Responses to “The Other Woman”

  1. There are some lessons to be learned here. First of all, I strongly suggest that this woman did not have her dad in her life. She exhibits classic traits of missing daddy love. I am not excusing it, just explaining it.

    The second lesson is that you need to in your next relationship become a loving woman who gives her husband sex whenever he wants it and how he wants it. Studies show that 60% of married women with children at home have their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less. This makes him easy prey for the young woman that you describe. You also need to be sexually adventurous and get rid of little girl inhibitions about things that you won’t do for him.

    Invest in some frilly and sexy lingerie. It will make you feel more feminine and desirable. Too often women raised in the church have been told that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. By the time that a woman is ready to embrace her sexuality, she is often ruined for life by the church. This includes the frilly lingerie because far too many women wrongly assume that only slutty women wear such lingerie and since they are not a slut, they refuse to wear if for their husbands.

    These are just some suggetions for you to consider in trying to find love again.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • Dear John,

      From your website it seems you are a professional marriage coach, but that is why I am a bit intrigued by the incoherent assumptions you made about me and also about the other woman (who actually does have her father in her life) and conclusions you came to from them. None the less, I am always open for critisicms and feedback to better myself, and thank you for commenting on my blog.

  2. There are always exceptions to the rule. The other woman was showing classic sypmptoms of lacking daddy love and seeking it out inappropriately. I would disagree that my comments were incoherent. If she has a father in her life, I suspect that he was distant and unattentive. The girl is definitely acting out of some unfullfilled need.

    While you could be the exception to the rule, I find that most husbands don’t cheat when their wives are taking excellent care of them sexually. Admittedly there are men who are just jerks whose wives take very good care of them sexually but they feel like they have to prove themselves by bedding other women.

    I deal with the majority of people and admittedly don’t always get it right. I find the biggest reason for women having ambivalence with their sexuality is the church who from the the time that she is a little girl is bombarded with the message that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. By the time that she is ready to embrace her sexuality, she is often ruined for life by such negative condidtioning. I find it morally wrong that the churches don’t teach the wonderful sex positive messages in the bible.

    We in this country have a divorce rate that is the highest on the planet, more than twice as high as the next nearest country.
    I see recurring patterns for the reasons. My answer was not inchoherent and was not meant to put you down.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • Dear John,

      I guess this is a case of the exception to the rule…

      As for the other woman she does truly exhibit signs of lack of love. While she does have a father in the picture, it certainly does not say what kind of relationship she has with him. I believe that she is the way she is, because she believes that sex is the only way for her to prove her self worth, not realizing that sex will never equate to love.

      As for me, I do not go to church, as I have never been brought up religiously. So my sexuality is no something I am afraid of. Actually my sex drive is and always was far higher than that of my husband’s. But of-course temptation is always out there, and forbidden sex may be much more interesting than that which is offered every day.

      Thank you so much for reading my blog. Hope to see you here more often.

  3. Your exceptions are duly noted and you have my profoundest sympathies. I would say that you are better off without him and certainly deserve better than what you got. It could be that you were too much of a sexual being which intimidated him. That is clearly his loss. I don’t understand guys like that. I have subscribed to your blog and will comment when I feel that it is appropriate.

    Sadly the other woman will never fill the ache in her heart by being sexually promiscous. She certainly won’t get any respect by men or women. I feel sorry for her while I feel badly for you.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  4. marriagecoach, I’m confused by your need to blame this woman for her husband’s infidelity. You first say women should be more sexual…<become a loving woman who gives her husband sex whenever he wants it and how he wants it." If a woman does that her husband won't cheat?

    The statement above boggles my mind. When you say "how he wants it" are you suggesting that a woman should degrade herself and give into whatever sexual whim crosses her husband's mind? Maybe he wants her to sleep with another man or use strange objects to penetrate her. There are some pretty sick husbands out there and if that is the advice you are giving women you are playing a DANGEROUS game with the lives of women.

    Then when bye2mrwrong explains that her labido is up to par and there are no issues with fragility you tell her…"you were too much of a sexual being which intimidated him."

    Are you saying that women, regardless of whether they are frigid or intimately loving are not the victims of a husband infidelity but the reason for? Since you feel she may have been too sexual for him what do you recommend a woman do to keep a husband from cheating? I would like to know since you seem to believe that whether or not most men cheat is completely up to the sexual behavior of his wife.

    bye2mrwrong, this is my opinion based on what I've read so far. You share none of the responsibility for his bad behavior. It doesn't matter whether you gave him sex nightly or never. Your husband had a choice, he could have shown some moral character and remained faithful to the vows he took or he could have gotten a divorce and been free to be with other women.

    I don't like to muddy waters by digging into the whys and what fors of a situation like this. Some people either behave badly or they behave with integrity. The other woman chooses to behave badly. Whether she had a daddy or what kind of relationship she had with her daddy plays no role in a person's life once they become old enough to make choices based on knowing right from wrong. I'm betting both her and your husband know right from wrong and simply chose to ignore what they knew to be the right choice.

    When we start making excuses for other people's bad behavior based on childhood wounds or the sexual behavior of a wife we cross into dangerous territory. Boundaries can become blurred and if not careful we start accepting bad behaviors from others. Not a way to live a healthy life!

    The title of your blog is appropriate, this man is Mr. Wrong, he was not and is not for you. If he had been the man for you he would not have cheated regardless of how you behaved in the bedroom.

    • Dear Cathy,

      Thank you for commenting on my blog. I hope to see you here more often.
      Most people say it takes two to tango , yet you tell me not to take any responsibility for my husband’s infidelity.
      I thank you for that – because it is something i know i shouldn’t do, although sometimes it is difficult to not assume blame. But I know i should not take any responsibility for his choice, only because i know i was the best wife i could be. And if he was unhappy with anything he should have been more open and honest and communicated it with me. I take responsibility only for having been blind, for not opening my eyes and seeing the relationship we had for what it really was, and for letting myself be fooled.

      Kind Regards,
      Bye2

  5. Hey Cathy
    For accusing me of being judgemental you are coming off a little judgemental yourself. I already noted her exceptions and backed off of my original assessment. I also said that I did not excuse the other woman for her promiscuity, but trying to explain it which is what the study of psychology is all about.

    I have dealt with far too many couples where the wife sexually starves the husband and he ends up cheating. Now he is repsonsible for his actions but the wife who is starving him is causing her lack of availbility to be a stumbling block to him, this is even noted in the bible.

    You are dealing with absolutes and perfection, what I deal with is rarely that by the very fact that they come to me with problems.

    Of course I am not suggesting that a woman degrade herself to please a sick twisted husband but there are a lot of things that a lot of women won’t do for their husbands. Take Bill and Hillary for example. It is widely known that Hillary refuses to give blow jobs and Bill went hunting for it elsewhere. A lot of women say if that is what you want, find some other woman to give it to you because I won’t.

    I am also not suggesting that bye2 should have toned down her sexuality. Her husband was obviously not man enough to deal with it. Ease up on that perfectionism a little and read between the lines and give me a little credit or benefit of the doubt.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

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