by bye2mrwrong

Whenever you break up with someone, you don’t just break up with one person. You break up with their family their friends and their dog.  It’s inevitable, sad and annoying. Now not only have you lost your other half, you lost lots of other pieces of you as well.

So now I have an ex-husband, ex-friends, and an ex-life I need to get over. OK, I lost a cat rather than a dog, and I can’t say it’s such a big loss to lose my husband’s family. But still for 10 years they were my “in-laws”.

After all when it comes to choosing sides, my friends and family chose mine, so its logical that out of loyalty, his friends and family would choose his (even though he screwed up). I mean no one can really stay neutral in such a breakup as this. It’s like saying you’re pro Palestine but also pro-Israel. That just doesn’t work.

Suddenly you are no longer invited to family events. On your birthday you no longer get phonecalls and cards, and the Christmas cards this year never arrived (must still be lost in the mail)…I have to say that since I wasn’t the one who had an affair; I never really got evil looks from his friends or family. But I remember the wound I felt in my heart when before we even officially decided to divorce, I was sitting at his mother’s house and noticed that she had already taken my picture off the wall. The Bitch! And I remember the twist of the knife when his father decided not to invite me to a family gathering. I had been officially uninvited. I felt rejected and alienated. I no longer had a family to rely on.

I knew then that from that moment on I was no longer welcome. I would no longer host family events, would no longer bake cakes, or buy birthday presents. I was no longer part of his family, or his life. The “we” that once was had become an “I”!

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7 Responses to “Uninvited”

  1. Love your blog, I do a lot more reading than posting but I’ve been thinking about this subject quite a bit lately. I’m sure the full extent of your rejection was not weighed in your decision to call it quits, however knowing what you know now would you change your decision? I’m betting not. They do say blood is thicker than water so I guess their rejection of you is not unexpected, although I would say it’s their loss. I’m sure someday you will find Mr. Right along with the whole Mr. Right clan.

    • Thanks Jay.
      You’re right, knowing what I know now I wouldn’t change my decision…but that has more to do with his behavior and the lack of trust I have in him rather than anything else.
      I do not want to sound conceited (and truth be told I definitely am not), but I know that I was the best thing that happened both to him and to his family. I don’t know whether he will ever want another relationship or marriage again, but I know that he will never find someone who will be willing to give and love him as much as I did.
      When I find my Mr. Right I’m sure I will be posting about it. Meanwhile I’ve only met Mr. Sleazy, Mr. “I’m not serious”, and Mr. Immature.

  2. I know how you feel. Losing his family was (and still is) difficult for me. I tried to keep in touch with his mother for a while but she seemed uncomfortable in my presence–and even on the phone. She and I loved each other. I still miss her. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    • The only one I really miss the most (except our cat) is my husband’s dad. I had a special bond with him. But at one point he just couldn’t keep seeing me and hearing me complain about his own flesh and blood. So when he said “next time lets just talk about good things”, I realized i couldn’t talk to him again. After all what good things did I have to talk about? That was the last time I ever saw him.

      I used to love his mom too but the picture thing totally hurt me and just made me think “screw her”.
      But to be honest my next blog will fill in the gaps or at least show my view of his family.

  3. It’s so true that losing a relationship with one person affects your relationships with others. I hope your life gets filled with new, wonderful relationships to replace what you lost.

    Your posts are so well-written. You’re just lovely– I wish all good things for you 🙂


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