Let’s Kill All The Lawyers!

by bye2mrwrong

The first day I stepped into my lawyer’s office, I held back my tears and tried to be strong. “This is your lawyer, not your psychologist, so cry about it later” I said to myself. So I gathered myself together, attempted to stay professional and stated my case.  After only 2 years of marriage I was heading for a divorce.

My lawyer was enthusiastic. No kids, short marriage….this was going to be child’s play. But here I am 5 months later with no results. It almost seems like I’m paying my lawyer to shuffle around papers from left to right and then back again. And it ain’t cheap!

What more is this lawyer said to me he was a fighter, a tiger. But this tiger has gone all mushy and soft on me… and I feel like the only way I’m going to get what I want is if my husband’s lawyer is a pussy cat. I guess that once again I should have known better. A tiger? Come on what is that? If you want to fight in the jungle you’ve got to be the king of the jungle. You’ve got to be the lion. Being the tiger is just being second. And in this case being second means being the loser.

But this wasn’t my first experience with lawyers. I had gone to one before, and sat with him twice. Once was for the first conversation. This is the getting to know each other conversation, deciding if you like the lawyer, deciding if you think they’re good enough to plead your case, and exploring all your rights and options. This first conversation, or should I say consultation is for free.

But what they don’t tell you is that if you decide to retain the lawyer, then not only is it not for free, but you get charged for your first consultation as well. Basically in some hidden lawyer handbook I found on the net, in that little fine print that no one ever looks at, it said that if your first consultation is general – than yes it will be for free. If not you will get charged. But what is general? I’m not coming to ask questions about the general public. I want to know if this lawyer thinks I have a chance to win or if I stand to lose. And if I want to get those answers, I need to explain MY personal situation, not a general one.

Fortunately enough for me after I got the bill, I was cocky enough to send it back disagreeing to pay for the first consultation. I guess this lawyer either didn’t feel like arguing, or is just one of those losers… cause within a week I got a new bill with a lowered charge, and a letter explaining that there must have been a “misunderstanding” and that he would be willing to let me off the hook. I think this lawyer was just trying to use what I call the “success method”. This is when you try to screw someone over, if you succeed great, if not too bad. Understandably enough after this incident, we parted ways… and I went on to search for a new lawyer with my new founded knowledge about the law world.

So people be warned: read the fine print, ask what you’re paying for, ask your lawyer if he’s the lion or just the tiger? Will he be letting you do all the work, while he’s just shuffling papers around? Or will he be giving you advice based on his years of experience?

I guess now you should understand the heading of today’s blog. For you lawyers out there, I’m sorry no offense. But seriously am I the only one that wants to kill my lawyer?


3 Responses to “Let’s Kill All The Lawyers!”

  1. How well I remember dealing with lawyers. I can’t agree to kill all of them, though, my daughter is one. She doesn’t litigate but she was able to find a good lawyer for me. I went with a woman and was glad I did. She was very expensive but she got things done. I am in far better financial shape than my ex even though we split 50-50. (That’s the law in NC.) Do you know anyone who’s recently divorced in your area? Maybe you could get a referral that way. Good luck.

  2. The only people I know who are recently divorced are:
    1. The SLUT (twice divorced already even though she’s still in her 20’s, and I feel a 3rd one coming)
    2. The brother – who I’m sure prefers to help my husband rather than me
    3. My husband’s parents – but that was long ago…

    That’s it. Anyway I’m too far in the process to switch lawyers now…..
    But I sure am not happy with my “Crouching Tiger”.


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