Is There Justice In This World?

by bye2mrwrong

People say I’m STRONG.  I’ve held it together for a year now all on my own in this strange foreign country.  When I first found out about my husband’s affair, I bit my tongue and told no one. I went into work with my head held high, did my job better than ever, put in over-time and never let a soul know what I was going through at home.

But I don’t think I’m strong at all. If anything I’m WEAK. I see now how for years I’ve been controlled. Submissive, with no backbone. Opinion less and silent. I never questioned and never demanded.

When I wanted a piano, I begged. But when he said no, I accepted. When I wanted a car, I asked, but when we couldn’t agree, I let it go. And this is how it was with everything. But if he wanted me to cook even after a hard day at work, I complied. And when he wanted me to do the dishes afterward, I of-course did what any “good wife” would. I catered to him and hung on his every word. I was “the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself”.

I only ever wanted two things: to be married and to have children.  It took me 7 years to get my husband to propose. So I assumed it would take a few more to get him to decide to have children. But in reality that’s not how it goes, or how it should have been. Other women don’t ask. They demand and they tell. The husband may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck that turns it.

But me, I waited patiently for my husband to be ready. Needless to say that never happened, and I am now left childless and full of envy of every mother to roam the face of the earth. I know I’m still young…but I was ready so long ago.

Why do I bring this up now? Why is it all of a sudden bothering me? Because I just found out that the SLUT is pregnant. She had them all fooled. She said she couldn’t get pregnant…but it seems “miracles” do happen to some. Only it’s not certain who the child is from. My husband or his brother? Who knows maybe from some one else…

The thought that this child could be from my husband, MY HUSBAND who did not want to have a child with me, has left me weak again filled once more with anger, jealousy, and envy. She got what I had always wished for. Is there any justice in this world? Could it be that the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper?

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8 Responses to “Is There Justice In This World?”

  1. My heart aches for you. But you will find strength you don’t know you have. And you will be much stronger than you ever imagined. I know it doesn’t feel that way now. And yes, the universe does right itself. I’m seeing it every day in my ex-husband’s life and it isn’t pretty.

    I don’t know where you’re from but I’m glad you’re here. You inspire me with your writing. You’re between where you were and where you want to be but you’ll get there. I’m privileged to be able to follow your progress.

    • Thanks Pat,
      I don’t feel strong right now, although I have my days…and I have caught myself once or twice in my car singing loudly “I will survive!
      But I am happy to be surrounded by my companion bloggers who encourage and support me.
      Thank you!

  2. I love that song! And I am soo sorry this is happening! Maybe this child does belong to someone other than your husband. Maybe someone you don’t even know about. Hopefully your husband is bright enough to have blood tests done. You keep taking care of YOU. You are the one that matters, not any of them. I know it’s heartbreaking right now…but maybe think of it this way. One day you will meet the right one for YOU. Someone that will treasure you as you should be. Someone that would never hurt you like you are hurting now. Someone that will want many children with you, and be there for you and them, always. I know there are men like that out there. I’m related to some of them, so they really do exist! Hang in there sweetie. I love your blog. Mine is still just so full of anger that it doesn’t make sense I’m sure. I’m old and bitter, what can I say? But you…you are young and beautiful. You will find the right one and when you do, you will never look back. You’ll be happy with yourself for making the break from someone that can cause you this much pain. And you’ll move on to fully love and trust the right one. The one that you so very much deserve.

    • Thanks for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate it.

      What really pisses me off though is that SHE “accidentally” “miraculously” got pregnant.
      I don’t buy it. The relationship was shaky so this was her way of assuring her place in the family. Making sure that one of the brother’s marries her. If its not my husband (since our divorce it taking longer than expected) than it will be his brother. And I’m actually quite sure that even if the baby is from my husband, they’ll dump the responsibility and the payments on the brother.
      I guess I should be happy not to be in this sort of family. I am far above them. And this is definitely not the way I was raised. But it still makes me boil inside, that some girls still do these tricks to get what they want…and they actually get it.
      I’m not saying that they will be happy. Not her, not the brother and not my husband. Bringing a child into this world under these circumstances is far from perfect.
      Still, I feel like because I’m TOO nice (and maybe naive), I lose.
      Is it really a loss? I guess time will tell.

      Once again thank you for having faith in me…..
      I hope at the end we all get what we so very much deserve.

  3. stumbled upon ur blog by accident and I’m so gonna follow u. thanks for being honest and God bless

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