If He Cheats is it Over? Paving the Path to Disaster

by bye2mrwrong

After the initial toss of angry words and accusations; on my part, I did everything I could to try to work it out. I sat with my husband, I talked to him, and I even suggested we go to counseling. I proposed the things I thought could help us go through it, and move on. I read everything I could about infidelity and I even made my husband read some of it as well. The best article I found on the net was: How to Rebuild Your Spouse’s Trust after an Affair. For a while it was my new bible. I suggest for anyone who has gone through marital infidelity to read it – especially those of you who have done the cheating.

The steps were easy enough but no matter what I tried or how much I tried, the fact that I had caught my husband in his lie was too much for him to bear…and he unlike me was doing everything possible to pave the road to disaster instead of working on rebuilding our trust and love in each other. He was doing everything opposite and against the rules.

Here are the steps (but make sure to read the whole article, it’s worth it):

  1. Stop lying
  2. Be around
  3. Do not get defensive or assign blame
  4. Treat your spouse as if they were the center of your world
  5. Cut any and all possible ties with the other man/woman
  6. Your life must be an open book
  7. Be prepared to answer any and all questions about information that your spouse has a legitimate right to know.
  8. Do not attempt to dictate the length of time the victim spouse’s recovery should take
  9. Choose your battles wisely
  10. Be prepared to get rid of items that may serve to remind your spouse of the affair.
  11. Do not behave inappropriately or create future problems.
  12. Use this opportunity to create a new relationship with your spouse.

So WHAT DID MY HUSBAND DO? He kept on LYING! He confided and continued sharing his most intimate feelings and emotions with his mistress instead of me, he made her his new soul mate, he even told her my secrets. Hell he told her how much money I had in my bank account.

Worse than that, he did what no adulterous two-timing cheater should ever do. He pointed a blaming finger in my direction. Actually, he blamed everyone but himself (or her), for the whole thing. He even blamed my family, who by the way live oversees. It was my fault that he was unhappy, it was me who caused him to run to the arms of another. He was practically saying that I had put a gun to his head and forced him to cheat.

He kept seeing her behind my back; he became more and more secretive putting codes and passwords on his phone and computer, and refused to go to relationship therapy. He demanded that I calm down and get over it claiming it was a thing of the past. And to top it all off, not only did he NOT get rid of those things that made me think of her but he even BOUGHT HER CAR from her (more on that in my next blog).

Slowly but surely my husband went into withdrawal, closing the door on his relationship with me and paving the road to disaster. So the article may have not helped him in a way, but it helped me. It put things into perspective, and helped me understand what should and should not happen. It showed me that he was not trying to work on this relationship like he should be. Still I believe that this article, which comes with tips and warnings, is useful for anyone who truly wants to work on their marriage. Good luck!

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3 Comments to “If He Cheats is it Over? Paving the Path to Disaster”

  1. Good info. I hope your heal as soon as possible and find happiness.

  2. Hi! I found your blog on AOL.It’s really well written and it helped me a lot.

    Continue the good work!

  3. Wow! I can’t believe that. How on earth did you deal with all of that? How could you stay? I’d have killed him. Maybe not literally… might just hit him with a phone book and walk out. My goodnes!

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