Posts tagged ‘Marriage’

August 9, 2011

Some Things Weren’t Meant to Last

by bye2mrwrong

In life we constantly need credentials to show who we are, what we’ve done, and what our potential is. Diplomas, certificates, references and degrees are documents that guide us through life.

IF a swimming diploma shows that if shoved into a pool of water I will not drown; a high school certificate proves that if required I can sit on my ass for hours, read boring material, and memorize it until I’m blue in the face; a university degree demonstrates that I am a critical thinker, I can and do use my brain once in a while; a driver’s license attests that I am capable of driving from A to B without killing all obstacles in my way; a marriage certificate validates that I am a serious and committed adult. What does a divorce certificate prove?

Today it arrived. My official divorce documentation. Ahhh another opportunity to analyze, re-analyze and over-analyze what went wrong and  when, who was to blame and why. 10 years of partnership terminated, approved and boldly stamped in red. It feels like yet another punch in the stomach, another slap in the face. This crappy piece of paper is proof of my failure. Proof that some things weren’t meant to last. That some certificates are crap; they can be given one day and taken away the next.

Isn’t that the joke of life? God gives it, only to take it away. Let’s not forget, birth and death certificates are proof of that. I guess credentials don’t really mean much then, do they? My diploma may show that I graduated the theories I learned, but it doesn’t prove I will be good in practice. My driver’s license shows I can drive, but doesn’t assure that I will do it sober. My marriage certificate proved I wanted to be in a relationship, but it didn’t forecast for how long.

P.s. Sorry for being in such a negative mood today. Maybe I should be grateful. Grateful for life while there’s still proof that I am living.

April 20, 2011

Warning Signs

by bye2mrwrong

“Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed

No I won’t try to change you; shape you, mold you, or turn you into something you’re not; or worse something you don’t want to be. You’re not a project I’m working on.

 I’ve learned my lesson. People are inherently different. Some of us are family people; wired to be part of a “we”, an inseparable duo. Comfortable in relationships, adept in the art of communication, listening, giving attention and affection. Content in coming home to someone, and sharing every detail of our petty little lives. While some of us are not so much.

I am the relationship type. I’m the kind of gal that doesn’t need much “me” time. I take it when you need yours. Sure I don’t mind if you go out with your mates for a beer, or if you want to watch basketball, or soccer on TV some nights. But when you’re with me, I want attention, and lots of it. I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” I want you to hold me, touch me, dine me, romance me, confide in me, cuddle me, and love me till break-up do us part.

Maybe you call that smothering, needy clingy or weak. Maybe you even call me an attention whore. I just call that love. I’m looking for the kind of person who wants to share his life with me, who can’t be without me. Whose eyes light up when he sees me, whose voice trembles as he whispers my name, who breathes me in like air, and misses me when I’m not around.

I learned from my previous relationship that the one who loves the least is the one who controls the relationship”. I’m not ready to give that control to anyone right now. So if you’re being vague and giving me mixed signals; if you’ve got “potential” but the red flags are all over the place; its time for me to drop the hook back in the water. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I don’t want to give more love than I’m getting. So if you love me less than I love you it’s a sign. It’s a sign that you’re not ready, or maybe not looking for the same things in life.

And with that, its time for me to move on. NEXT!

April 10, 2011

Back in the Game

by bye2mrwrong

So how did love come back into the picture? Not so long ago my friends started pushing me to get back out there. I was hearing statements left and right telling me to get back in the game, start dating, go get laid. Me, I’m not that type of girl really. I’ve never liked being single, and I never enjoyed dating. Of-course I loved the butterfly feeling, the highs when things went right in my dating life; but I dreaded the lows when those relationships didn’t quite work out. So at the age of 21 I was already settling down, and happy to have found my “one”. And although I was very young, being in a committed relationship just felt right.

But after having been cheated on, something in me wanted, needed to know what I was worth. I needed to stop beating myself up and blaming ME for not being good enough, pretty, enough, sexy enough, or anything enough to keep my man interested. Could it be that it wasn’t me but rather that my husband was just a stupid prick who couldn’t see a good thing when he had it?

So finally after a few weeks of convincing, I got off my recently regular couch position and went out with some girl friends to a party. Initially I felt like Alice after she ate the magic cake; I had grown up while everyone around me stayed little, or in this case young. The music was loud and definitely not what I remembered it to be, the place was huge and felt like a meet market, the crowd was rowdy, and looking around I couldn’t help but wonder how old the guys were anyway. 18? 20?  Would I even be allowed to date them or would that be considered pedophilia?

Every guy that tried to talk to me got the evil eye. A sort of get away from me you pervert, I’m married! But having downed a few drinks in less than 20 minutes, the alcohol was getting to me, and the guys seemed a bit cuter and older all of a sudden. So by the end of the night I was dancing, flirting, and having a ball.

Getting back out there after 10 years off the market was quite the experience. It was fun to feel young and sexy again for one night. That is of-course not how I felt the next morning when the amount of alcohol really hit me. But most of all it was different. Different than sitting at home cuddled up on the couch with my husband. And also different than sitting at home, just as I had done so many times recently, crying and sulking about my miserable and lonely single life.

It was the beginning of a fresh start. I was turning over a new leaf.  I was going to go out there and show the world that I was back in the game,  available and ready to conquer…

March 16, 2011

My Perfect Ring of Scars

by bye2mrwrong

I’ve been asked many times why I still wear my wedding band. My husband took his off a few months ago. Till this day I wonder if he did it because he met someone else, was told it was inappropriate, or maybe just because he didn’t want to be reminded of me every time he looked down at his finger.

I’ve talked to people who told me they took theirs off as soon as they realized that the marriage was falling apart, that it wasn’t worth anything. Me, I don’t want to take mine off. And if I don’t want to I shouldn’t have to, right?!

First of all, it was an expensive ring, and it’s stunningly beautiful. It took me and my husband months to find the perfect matching rings. We searched for it high and low, in 3 different countries, until we laid eyes on the just the right one.

Second, sometimes when I’m going out and I get hit on by ridiculously drunk, or just horrendously ugly, stupid or just not my type men; I lift my hand up and explain that I’m married. I know, I know it’s a little bit of a white lie since OK officially I am still married, but in reality I’m actually practically divorced. But it gets me out of difficult situation easily without breaking any hearts.

But it’s not the beauty of it, or even its practical use that keeps me wearing it. It’s also not because I’m still partly taken. Definitely not. It’s just that this ring is a reminder of who I used to be, of my life before. Of the man I chose and loved. Of the dreams I hoped for with him. It’s a reminder of the extremely young, innocent and naïve person I used to be, and the broken image of that person that is left now.

I’m not saying I will never take it off. Maybe one day I won’t have the need any more to be reminded. Or maybe I will be OK with moving forward, without looking back. And of-course if another man comes along and replaces this ring with another, then I guess I won’t mind.

But for now it is my perfect ring of scars.

February 5, 2011

Chronicles of the Monsters In-Law: Brotherly Love

by bye2mrwrong

I don’t know if there was something about that year when my husband’s brother was born, maybe something in the water or in the air, but it seems men born in this city in that year are a bit off. Don’t get me wrong, they are all nice enough, but very insecure and weak, sexually inexperienced, and just a bit odd to say the least.

So when he finally met a girl at 30+, he seemed to rush everything, and totally fell head over heels. Of-course having never been with a girl before, or in love for that matter, he fell hard. So when she dumped him after only 3 dates he crashed rock bottom.

I’m not really sure what happened there (it was always a bit of a strange and secretive story) …but I do remember the nights he came over to talk until the light of dawn, the countless times he got drunk and fell asleep on our couch, the vast amount of kilos he shed, and the many tears he cried for her.

And then a few months later, out of the blue she was back into his life, and within two weeks she moved in with him…and things just fast forwarded from there; new car, new bed, new joined bank account, and within 3 months….a new baby on the way.

To be quite honest, after so many years of rivalry, harsh blows and degrading insults, secretly I always thought he did it just to spite my husband, and prove that he was better. To attest that he was not gay (as my husband had so many times teased him) and that he too could find love. It felt as though he just needed to show that he could be first. He had married first and would give his parents their first grandchild. He had won the race!

But when he didn’t want to go for a second child immediately (cause I don’t think he had planned on the first one either, and anyway we hadn’t even had our first, so no need to hurry), rumors have it that his wife slept around with at least 15 different men while he was at work…until one day he got a phone call for an anonymous raging lover who said: “sorry mate, your wife is pregnant. It’s not from me, but I also know it’s not from you”.

I guess you can see how that screws up a person (not that he wasn’t just a little bit screwed up to begin with) and well at that point he realized that not only was the second child definitely not his but maybe even the first child wasn’t either. Nevertheless the idiot did not initiate a divorce but with his hand forced the divorce went quite quick as he  agreed to give everything and was left with nothing but a huge debt, a large alimony sum to pay, and a broken heart. And since until today he is still in love with his first wife, he never did do a DNA test for that child. Maybe it’s his way of still having a bond to her.

It was only 3 months after the divorce was finalized, though still depressed and broken-hearted the idiot just like a puppet was manipulated to take in a new girl into his life. One which not unlike the first would lie and deceive, use and abuse him at her disposal, chew him up and spit him out.

January 26, 2011

Sweet Revenge (Part II)

by bye2mrwrong

One of my co-bloggers wrote that “If another woman steals your man, the best revenge is to let her keep him.” While I’m not sure how I feel about this, maybe it is the best revenge. Maybe my husband, his brother and the mistress/slut are on the same level, and therefore deserve each other.

My husband has been looking quite bad lately. Actually I think he looks a bit like a terrorist these days. He’s become super skinny (with no woman to cook for him), he shaved off his beautiful golden hair which I loved so much (most likely to spite me), and he’s grown this long, dark heavy beard (just because he can’t bother to take care of himself and no one else seems to).

Actually I say this, but the fact of the matter is that I haven’t seen him for over a month. I know he comes home sometimes to pick up the mail; but he always does it when I’m not around. I think it has something to do with the guilt. Or at least that’s what I would like to believe.

Last night I heard that it’s over. The brother has dumped the slut and has asked her to leave his house this week. I can’t help but wonder what happened. Has the awful truth finally come out? Did he find out the child is not his? Did he catch her cheating? Has he just had enough of this twisted threesome? And what happens now? Will she keep the baby? And who will take responsibility for it?

I’m not sure how I feel about this all. On the one hand I am a bit upset. Upset because it seems almost a shame that my 10 years have been wasted and are lost, for this one-year, short-lived, and terribly agonizing relationship they had. I want to just scream at both the brothers: Was she worth it? A part of me would even prefer that they would endure this miserable relationship, full of lies and deceit, a bit longer.

But on the other hand I am pleased; pleased that this distorted relationship has crashed in their face, and will be their downfall. That now as the truth comes out, and eyes are beginning to open, this family will be torn apart by their own doing. For so long it has been me who has been falling apart. Finally I can sit back and watch them come undone. I wonder if this is karma beginning to show its face, if this is the taste of sweet revenge?!

January 5, 2011

Let’s Kill All The Lawyers!

by bye2mrwrong

The first day I stepped into my lawyer’s office, I held back my tears and tried to be strong. “This is your lawyer, not your psychologist, so cry about it later” I said to myself. So I gathered myself together, attempted to stay professional and stated my case.  After only 2 years of marriage I was heading for a divorce.

My lawyer was enthusiastic. No kids, short marriage….this was going to be child’s play. But here I am 5 months later with no results. It almost seems like I’m paying my lawyer to shuffle around papers from left to right and then back again. And it ain’t cheap!

What more is this lawyer said to me he was a fighter, a tiger. But this tiger has gone all mushy and soft on me… and I feel like the only way I’m going to get what I want is if my husband’s lawyer is a pussy cat. I guess that once again I should have known better. A tiger? Come on what is that? If you want to fight in the jungle you’ve got to be the king of the jungle. You’ve got to be the lion. Being the tiger is just being second. And in this case being second means being the loser.

But this wasn’t my first experience with lawyers. I had gone to one before, and sat with him twice. Once was for the first conversation. This is the getting to know each other conversation, deciding if you like the lawyer, deciding if you think they’re good enough to plead your case, and exploring all your rights and options. This first conversation, or should I say consultation is for free.

But what they don’t tell you is that if you decide to retain the lawyer, then not only is it not for free, but you get charged for your first consultation as well. Basically in some hidden lawyer handbook I found on the net, in that little fine print that no one ever looks at, it said that if your first consultation is general – than yes it will be for free. If not you will get charged. But what is general? I’m not coming to ask questions about the general public. I want to know if this lawyer thinks I have a chance to win or if I stand to lose. And if I want to get those answers, I need to explain MY personal situation, not a general one.

Fortunately enough for me after I got the bill, I was cocky enough to send it back disagreeing to pay for the first consultation. I guess this lawyer either didn’t feel like arguing, or is just one of those losers… cause within a week I got a new bill with a lowered charge, and a letter explaining that there must have been a “misunderstanding” and that he would be willing to let me off the hook. I think this lawyer was just trying to use what I call the “success method”. This is when you try to screw someone over, if you succeed great, if not too bad. Understandably enough after this incident, we parted ways… and I went on to search for a new lawyer with my new founded knowledge about the law world.

So people be warned: read the fine print, ask what you’re paying for, ask your lawyer if he’s the lion or just the tiger? Will he be letting you do all the work, while he’s just shuffling papers around? Or will he be giving you advice based on his years of experience?

I guess now you should understand the heading of today’s blog. For you lawyers out there, I’m sorry no offense. But seriously am I the only one that wants to kill my lawyer?

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January 4, 2011

Is There Justice In This World?

by bye2mrwrong

People say I’m STRONG.  I’ve held it together for a year now all on my own in this strange foreign country.  When I first found out about my husband’s affair, I bit my tongue and told no one. I went into work with my head held high, did my job better than ever, put in over-time and never let a soul know what I was going through at home.

But I don’t think I’m strong at all. If anything I’m WEAK. I see now how for years I’ve been controlled. Submissive, with no backbone. Opinion less and silent. I never questioned and never demanded.

When I wanted a piano, I begged. But when he said no, I accepted. When I wanted a car, I asked, but when we couldn’t agree, I let it go. And this is how it was with everything. But if he wanted me to cook even after a hard day at work, I complied. And when he wanted me to do the dishes afterward, I of-course did what any “good wife” would. I catered to him and hung on his every word. I was “the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself”.

I only ever wanted two things: to be married and to have children.  It took me 7 years to get my husband to propose. So I assumed it would take a few more to get him to decide to have children. But in reality that’s not how it goes, or how it should have been. Other women don’t ask. They demand and they tell. The husband may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck that turns it.

But me, I waited patiently for my husband to be ready. Needless to say that never happened, and I am now left childless and full of envy of every mother to roam the face of the earth. I know I’m still young…but I was ready so long ago.

Why do I bring this up now? Why is it all of a sudden bothering me? Because I just found out that the SLUT is pregnant. She had them all fooled. She said she couldn’t get pregnant…but it seems “miracles” do happen to some. Only it’s not certain who the child is from. My husband or his brother? Who knows maybe from some one else…

The thought that this child could be from my husband, MY HUSBAND who did not want to have a child with me, has left me weak again filled once more with anger, jealousy, and envy. She got what I had always wished for. Is there any justice in this world? Could it be that the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper?

December 19, 2010

Family Secrets

by bye2mrwrong

You don’t introduce your secret lover to your brother when you’re still busy screwing her, right? WRONG!

So now that SHE was dating the brother, I had no other choice but to see her. She was now part of the family. And while my husband was never close to his brother before, their relationship suddenly blossomed, and surely enough we were spending lots of time together: movies, restaurants, Christmas dinners and New Years.

Ugh….The thought that I had hosted her, that I served her drinks, that I shared a few girly moments with her, still disgusts me. The thought that while we talked, she told me countless lies to cover up the truth, angers me.  And the thought that we shared my bed and my husband, still cannot leave my mind.

But back tracking to when I was still clueless…. even though she was dating the brother, and I shouldn’t have felt threatened, there was something wrong. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. It seemed like every two minutes my husband was getting SOS phone calls from either his brother or her to help them save their new yet rocky relationship. No one kept me in the loop, something about TRUST issues, something with her past relationship(s). To be honest I wasn’t interested. I was just waiting for it to fall apart.

But when the phone calls became more frequent and my husband was spending more time at their place fixing their relationship rather than at home with me… I was getting quite annoyed. And when he ended up joining them on a week trip to her parents I was more than a little irritated. I was infuriated and flabbergasted. Why in the world would the brother want my husband to hold his hand as he met her folks for the first time? And why would she want my husband to be there, as she introduced her new boyfriend. And for the life of me I couldn’t understand why my husband would want to be the third wheel?

Little did I know what the problem was in their relationship that demanded my husband’s constant attention, mentoring and advice. It was only later that I discovered that the problems occurred when the brother found out about the affair those two had or were still having, a SECRET that was then kept in the family.

But since my husband has always been a good persuader, he managed to confuse his brother, blur his vision, distort the truth and manipulate him. He promised that what had happened was in the past and convinced him that it was over (otherwise why would he have introduced those two to each other). So the brother despite all the signs and signals staring him in the face, and due to his own weak personality preferred to pull the veil back down, close his eyes once again, forgive and continue on this rocky road.

Needless to say my husband did NOT mange to confuse me. As the signs became more evident so did my need to find the truth. Secrets are made to be found out with time, and as I continued to search I discovered that the affair that was supposedly over a few months ago was still happening, behind his brother’s back and mine; and with the encouragement and support of their mother (who is a story of her own).

What a family?

December 14, 2010

Friend or Foe?

by bye2mrwrong

“Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer”

Every evening at dinner, my husband and I always discussed our work. We would complain about our jack ass bosses, gossip about our colleagues, tell each other the strange stories of the day, and laugh at the pathetic turn of events.

My husband had more than 50 employees working for him, most of which I knew, but once in a blue moon he would hire a new employee and tell me about them. And just like any other, one evening my husband told me about HER.  He had mentioned her before in conversation, but nothing worth taking notice of.  Now he decided to tell me more. She was from out of the country like me, around my age, and about to divorce. Her husband was one of those dull introverts with no social life, so even though she had been living here for 4 years, he hadn’t introduced her to anyone and she still had no friends.

After telling me about this new pathetic employee, he nonchalantly popped the question: asking if I could take her out. To try to convince me he told me even more:  She didn’t drink; she didn’t dance, was extremely shy and introvert, and really needed a girlfriend. So here I was thinking what the hell is the point? If I want a new friend I want one who’s a bit like me and shares MY interests. But if she doesn’t drink, then going to a pub would be quite boring. And if she doesn’t dance, then I might as well take my husband to a club; he could also just stand there, lifeless watching from the sidelines.  I felt like she was a volunteering project which was dumped on me and I had to play big sister.

While I wasn’t convinced I needed to get to know this girl, my husband invited her over anyway, to watch a movie at home with us. Strangely enough he chose horror, HER favorite genre and the only one which I absolutely HATE. But anything to be a good host, right?

Of-course the minute she walked in… I already had this bad feeling about her. Everything about her repulsed me. The way she talked so quietly it was almost like a whisper, the way she was so fidgety and scared as if I was going to devour her, the way she was already talking to my husband like they were best friends for years …

It wasn’t because I’m a jealous woman, but because we girls just have this six sense about other girls and their intentions. And we all know those girls! Their sweet, shy and timid manner may fool the men, but they don’t fool us. So when we meet a girl like that, we stay away, and make sure our men do too!

By the end of the evening I was completely convinced that I wanted nothing to do with her. But somehow in my husband’s twisted little mind he must have hoped that we would hit if off, become best friends, giggle together, maybe share a bed…

What was he thinking? Come to think of it what was she thinking? I can’t imagine ever wanting to meet the woman your lover is married to. Let alone try to become her friend. I understand now why she acted so antsy around me. It must have felt nerve wrecking. Not that I feel bad for her, don’t get me wrong.  The idea still freaks me out. Was she judging me? Scrutinizing what I looked like, how I talked, laughed, or dressed. Was she trying to become me? Hoping to one day take my place? Till this day this is still beyond me.

But since salvation didn’t come from me, and my husband could see that I wasn’t going to invite this girl every evening for dinner; he decided to do the next best thing to make sure she stuck around. He introduced her to his newly divorced brother!

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