Baby Brother

I interrupt my usual messages to introduce to you today my baby brother. Brown hair and brown eyes, gorgeous face with a dazzling smile, wide shouldered, and approx 6 “feet tall (no he’s not really a baby anymore, and girls this is not an advert although he is available). Today my brother turns 23 years old.  Happy Birthday Baby!

23! Despite that he will always be my baby brother (and in general the baby of the family) that’s basically a man. At that age I had already left home to the other side of the world, was in the middle of my bachelor studies and was in a serious committed relationship.

All grown up he has turned into a fine young lad; cute but modest, intelligent but apathetic, funny but recluse, sweet but cunning, sarcastic but polite. I wish I could say more about my brother. I wish I could tell you stories of the times we spent together, or of the moments that bonded us. Yes I do recall some special moments, some fights when we were kids, some moments of laughter and some moments of tears. Trips we went on, and beers we drank. But having spent the best years of his life OUT of his life I am afraid that I barely know him. I have missed out on those things that bond brothers and sisters together.

Let me go back a bit. When I came here 10 years ago I came as a young girl, barely 21, naive and positive I had a heart full of hope and a head full of dreams. Given the promise of love, courageous and excited I ran toward it leaving everything else behind. 10 years later I am to return with a broken heart and crushed dreams. Back to where I started, to the people and the life I have left behind; people who have not forgotten me, but with time have grown apart.

So do I get a chance to create new memories, to make a new stronger connection with my baby brother? I hope so. But I’m not sure; because as I move back in, he will shortly be moving out, starting down his own journey, just as I did at that age. Going off to study (although not in a foreign land) but in a different city. Maybe if I’m lucky he’ll have some time to spend with his big sister, in between studying, going out with friends and giving time to some special girl he may or may not have.

Whatever happens, I hope he knows I’ve always got his back (and to be honest since he’s so much bigger and taller than me, I actually hope he’s got mine). And more importantly I hope he knows that no matter the distance I’ll always love him, cause he’ll always be my baby brother.

Chronicles of the Monsters In-Law: Brotherly Love

I don’t know if there was something about that year when my husband’s brother was born, maybe something in the water or in the air, but it seems men born in this city in that year are a bit off. Don’t get me wrong, they are all nice enough, but very insecure and weak, sexually inexperienced, and just a bit odd to say the least.

So when he finally met a girl at 30+, he seemed to rush everything, and totally fell head over heels. Of-course having never been with a girl before, or in love for that matter, he fell hard. So when she dumped him after only 3 dates he crashed rock bottom.

I’m not really sure what happened there (it was always a bit of a strange and secretive story) …but I do remember the nights he came over to talk until the light of dawn, the countless times he got drunk and fell asleep on our couch, the vast amount of kilos he shed, and the many tears he cried for her.

And then a few months later, out of the blue she was back into his life, and within two weeks she moved in with him…and things just fast forwarded from there; new car, new bed, new joined bank account, and within 3 months….a new baby on the way.

To be quite honest, after so many years of rivalry, harsh blows and degrading insults, secretly I always thought he did it just to spite my husband, and prove that he was better. To attest that he was not gay (as my husband had so many times teased him) and that he too could find love. It felt as though he just needed to show that he could be first. He had married first and would give his parents their first grandchild. He had won the race!

But when he didn’t want to go for a second child immediately (cause I don’t think he had planned on the first one either, and anyway we hadn’t even had our first, so no need to hurry), rumors have it that his wife slept around with at least 15 different men while he was at work…until one day he got a phone call for an anonymous raging lover who said: “sorry mate, your wife is pregnant. It’s not from me, but I also know it’s not from you”.

I guess you can see how that screws up a person (not that he wasn’t just a little bit screwed up to begin with) and well at that point he realized that not only was the second child definitely not his but maybe even the first child wasn’t either. Nevertheless the idiot did not initiate a divorce but with his hand forced the divorce went quite quick as he  agreed to give everything and was left with nothing but a huge debt, a large alimony sum to pay, and a broken heart. And since until today he is still in love with his first wife, he never did do a DNA test for that child. Maybe it’s his way of still having a bond to her.

It was only 3 months after the divorce was finalized, though still depressed and broken-hearted the idiot just like a puppet was manipulated to take in a new girl into his life. One which not unlike the first would lie and deceive, use and abuse him at her disposal, chew him up and spit him out.

Sweet Revenge (Part II)

One of my co-bloggers wrote that “If another woman steals your man, the best revenge is to let her keep him.” While I’m not sure how I feel about this, maybe it is the best revenge. Maybe my husband, his brother and the mistress/slut are on the same level, and therefore deserve each other.

My husband has been looking quite bad lately. Actually I think he looks a bit like a terrorist these days. He’s become super skinny (with no woman to cook for him), he shaved off his beautiful golden hair which I loved so much (most likely to spite me), and he’s grown this long, dark heavy beard (just because he can’t bother to take care of himself and no one else seems to).

Actually I say this, but the fact of the matter is that I haven’t seen him for over a month. I know he comes home sometimes to pick up the mail; but he always does it when I’m not around. I think it has something to do with the guilt. Or at least that’s what I would like to believe.

Last night I heard that it’s over. The brother has dumped the slut and has asked her to leave his house this week. I can’t help but wonder what happened. Has the awful truth finally come out? Did he find out the child is not his? Did he catch her cheating? Has he just had enough of this twisted threesome? And what happens now? Will she keep the baby? And who will take responsibility for it?

I’m not sure how I feel about this all. On the one hand I am a bit upset. Upset because it seems almost a shame that my 10 years have been wasted and are lost, for this one-year, short-lived, and terribly agonizing relationship they had. I want to just scream at both the brothers: Was she worth it? A part of me would even prefer that they would endure this miserable relationship, full of lies and deceit, a bit longer.

But on the other hand I am pleased; pleased that this distorted relationship has crashed in their face, and will be their downfall. That now as the truth comes out, and eyes are beginning to open, this family will be torn apart by their own doing. For so long it has been me who has been falling apart. Finally I can sit back and watch them come undone. I wonder if this is karma beginning to show its face, if this is the taste of sweet revenge?!

Déjà Vu

It was about a year ago when it started. One day out of nowhere my husband invited HER over, an employee from work, who he had recently set up with his brother. She came alone, an innocent visit to chat about how things were going, or rather not going. It was all so very innocent, until she brought up this trip to visit her family in England and how much fun they would all have at the soccer game there.

What? Red flags shot up in my ears. Was this how I was being informed that my husband had already made plans to go to England without having first discussed it with me? I was furious. The sparks in my eyes, and questioning looks, were answered with a casual “oh no, we were just playing around with the idea.”

But it didn’t sound like just an idea to me. It sounded more like the tickets to the match were already bought, and the plans had already been made. Politely I told my husband we would discuss the issue later, not in front of our guest. He made a little fuss… and I could see the way he was looking at her, as if to say: crazy wife – I’ll do what I want in the end in any case.

And that he did. After weeks of arguing about this trip, he went anyway. I could not join as I had no more days off from work (something he knew in advance) and I had not agreed to him going either, but he could not care less.

To me the idea of him joining his brother and his new girlfriend not only on their first trip together, but on a trip intended for her to introduce her new boyfriend to her parents; seemed ridiculous, completely absurd. Actually it was a “tad” inappropriate even. Why would he want to be the third wheel?

Skipping forward one year, I feel a complete sense of Déjà Vu. My husband just went again with his slut and his brother to England to visit her family. Once again, I do not see the point, but by now who am I to interfere? It no longer has anything to do with me.

Still I find it strange and utterly distorted. Has he not learned anything? Why would he want to be the third wheel again? Whose hand does he need to hold as she and his brother tell her religious parents that she is “unexpectedly” pregnant? It doesn’t make sense. What exactly does he need to do there with them, on such an occasion?

It makes me sick to my stomach that no one is capable of seeing how twisted this is? That no one says anything, and that I am the only one who notices how perverted this threesome relationship is. Could it be that the three of them are not sure who the father of the baby is? Could that be the reason for him awkwardly tagging along?

Whatever the reason, it seems to me that “those who cannot learn from history are bound to repeat it”.

Is There Justice In This World?

People say I’m STRONG.  I’ve held it together for a year now all on my own in this strange foreign country.  When I first found out about my husband’s affair, I bit my tongue and told no one. I went into work with my head held high, did my job better than ever, put in over-time and never let a soul know what I was going through at home.

But I don’t think I’m strong at all. If anything I’m WEAK. I see now how for years I’ve been controlled. Submissive, with no backbone. Opinion less and silent. I never questioned and never demanded.

When I wanted a piano, I begged. But when he said no, I accepted. When I wanted a car, I asked, but when we couldn’t agree, I let it go. And this is how it was with everything. But if he wanted me to cook even after a hard day at work, I complied. And when he wanted me to do the dishes afterward, I of-course did what any “good wife” would. I catered to him and hung on his every word. I was “the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself”.

I only ever wanted two things: to be married and to have children.  It took me 7 years to get my husband to propose. So I assumed it would take a few more to get him to decide to have children. But in reality that’s not how it goes, or how it should have been. Other women don’t ask. They demand and they tell. The husband may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck that turns it.

But me, I waited patiently for my husband to be ready. Needless to say that never happened, and I am now left childless and full of envy of every mother to roam the face of the earth. I know I’m still young…but I was ready so long ago.

Why do I bring this up now? Why is it all of a sudden bothering me? Because I just found out that the SLUT is pregnant. She had them all fooled. She said she couldn’t get pregnant…but it seems “miracles” do happen to some. Only it’s not certain who the child is from. My husband or his brother? Who knows maybe from some one else…

The thought that this child could be from my husband, MY HUSBAND who did not want to have a child with me, has left me weak again filled once more with anger, jealousy, and envy. She got what I had always wished for. Is there any justice in this world? Could it be that the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper?

The Glue That Holds It All Together

Today I found out that Christmas won’t be the same without me. And the thought made me smile! Apparently both my husband’s parents (his mom and her husband, and his dad and his wife) have decided to go away this year for Christmas. Actually I should rephrase and say they have decided to RUN AWAY, avoid the problems, and escape what has become of this totally screwed up FAMILY!

They have left my husband, his brother and the Slut on their own. In my mind this is a little bit like Karma, some sort of sweet revenge. You made your bed, now lay in it… the three of you!

Christmas is a family holiday, but this family has fallen apart. I had known it all along, that I had brought this small family together, that I had been the glue. But the confirmation of it once again still makes me grin.

My husband will never admit to it, but before I came along his relationship with his father was practically non-existent, and although they live only 5 minutes walk away from each other, they only saw each other on birthdays.  But since I’ve always been a family person, I reconnected, I sowed and I mended until those two couldn’t go a week without a phone call.

I hosted and invited, not only on special occasions but on casual Mondays just because. I called and I cared. I took the ladies out for movies, and I joined them in their hobbies. I went over the top on birthdays, and held up long conversations with parents, grandparents and even distant uncles and aunts.

But now that I’m gone, it seems that things have returned to the way they were 10 years ago. And while they may have been happy back then to be secluded “each to his own”, I’m sure that after having tasted the sweetness of what it feels like to be a real close family, now that’s its gone they may just miss it a bit.

Family Secrets

You don’t introduce your secret lover to your brother when you’re still busy screwing her, right? WRONG!

So now that SHE was dating the brother, I had no other choice but to see her. She was now part of the family. And while my husband was never close to his brother before, their relationship suddenly blossomed, and surely enough we were spending lots of time together: movies, restaurants, Christmas dinners and New Years.

Ugh….The thought that I had hosted her, that I served her drinks, that I shared a few girly moments with her, still disgusts me. The thought that while we talked, she told me countless lies to cover up the truth, angers me.  And the thought that we shared my bed and my husband, still cannot leave my mind.

But back tracking to when I was still clueless…. even though she was dating the brother, and I shouldn’t have felt threatened, there was something wrong. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. It seemed like every two minutes my husband was getting SOS phone calls from either his brother or her to help them save their new yet rocky relationship. No one kept me in the loop, something about TRUST issues, something with her past relationship(s). To be honest I wasn’t interested. I was just waiting for it to fall apart.

But when the phone calls became more frequent and my husband was spending more time at their place fixing their relationship rather than at home with me… I was getting quite annoyed. And when he ended up joining them on a week trip to her parents I was more than a little irritated. I was infuriated and flabbergasted. Why in the world would the brother want my husband to hold his hand as he met her folks for the first time? And why would she want my husband to be there, as she introduced her new boyfriend. And for the life of me I couldn’t understand why my husband would want to be the third wheel?

Little did I know what the problem was in their relationship that demanded my husband’s constant attention, mentoring and advice. It was only later that I discovered that the problems occurred when the brother found out about the affair those two had or were still having, a SECRET that was then kept in the family.

But since my husband has always been a good persuader, he managed to confuse his brother, blur his vision, distort the truth and manipulate him. He promised that what had happened was in the past and convinced him that it was over (otherwise why would he have introduced those two to each other). So the brother despite all the signs and signals staring him in the face, and due to his own weak personality preferred to pull the veil back down, close his eyes once again, forgive and continue on this rocky road.

Needless to say my husband did NOT mange to confuse me. As the signs became more evident so did my need to find the truth. Secrets are made to be found out with time, and as I continued to search I discovered that the affair that was supposedly over a few months ago was still happening, behind his brother’s back and mine; and with the encouragement and support of their mother (who is a story of her own).

What a family?

Friend or Foe?

“Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer”

Every evening at dinner, my husband and I always discussed our work. We would complain about our jack ass bosses, gossip about our colleagues, tell each other the strange stories of the day, and laugh at the pathetic turn of events.

My husband had more than 50 employees working for him, most of which I knew, but once in a blue moon he would hire a new employee and tell me about them. And just like any other, one evening my husband told me about HER.  He had mentioned her before in conversation, but nothing worth taking notice of.  Now he decided to tell me more. She was from out of the country like me, around my age, and about to divorce. Her husband was one of those dull introverts with no social life, so even though she had been living here for 4 years, he hadn’t introduced her to anyone and she still had no friends.

After telling me about this new pathetic employee, he nonchalantly popped the question: asking if I could take her out. To try to convince me he told me even more:  She didn’t drink; she didn’t dance, was extremely shy and introvert, and really needed a girlfriend. So here I was thinking what the hell is the point? If I want a new friend I want one who’s a bit like me and shares MY interests. But if she doesn’t drink, then going to a pub would be quite boring. And if she doesn’t dance, then I might as well take my husband to a club; he could also just stand there, lifeless watching from the sidelines.  I felt like she was a volunteering project which was dumped on me and I had to play big sister.

While I wasn’t convinced I needed to get to know this girl, my husband invited her over anyway, to watch a movie at home with us. Strangely enough he chose horror, HER favorite genre and the only one which I absolutely HATE. But anything to be a good host, right?

Of-course the minute she walked in… I already had this bad feeling about her. Everything about her repulsed me. The way she talked so quietly it was almost like a whisper, the way she was so fidgety and scared as if I was going to devour her, the way she was already talking to my husband like they were best friends for years …

It wasn’t because I’m a jealous woman, but because we girls just have this six sense about other girls and their intentions. And we all know those girls! Their sweet, shy and timid manner may fool the men, but they don’t fool us. So when we meet a girl like that, we stay away, and make sure our men do too!

By the end of the evening I was completely convinced that I wanted nothing to do with her. But somehow in my husband’s twisted little mind he must have hoped that we would hit if off, become best friends, giggle together, maybe share a bed…

What was he thinking? Come to think of it what was she thinking? I can’t imagine ever wanting to meet the woman your lover is married to. Let alone try to become her friend. I understand now why she acted so antsy around me. It must have felt nerve wrecking. Not that I feel bad for her, don’t get me wrong.  The idea still freaks me out. Was she judging me? Scrutinizing what I looked like, how I talked, laughed, or dressed. Was she trying to become me? Hoping to one day take my place? Till this day this is still beyond me.

But since salvation didn’t come from me, and my husband could see that I wasn’t going to invite this girl every evening for dinner; he decided to do the next best thing to make sure she stuck around. He introduced her to his newly divorced brother!